Coena [Falso Inscripta]

A dinner falsely inscribed to Cyprian. A certain king, by name Johel, was celebrating a wedding in the region of the East, in Cana of Galilee. Many were invited to this wedding. Therefore, those who had bathed earlier in the Jordan were present at the feast. Then Naaman commended, Amos sprinkled water, James and Andrew brought hay, Matthew and Peter laid it out, Solomon set the table, and all the crowds reclined. But when the place for those reclining was already full, those who arrived later each found a place for himself as best he could. So first of all, Adam sat in the middle, Eve on leaves, Cain on a plow, Abel on a milk-pail, Noah on an ark, Japheth on bricks, Abraham under a tree, Isaac on an altar, Lot near the door, Jacob on a rock, Moses on a stone, Delias on a skin, Daniel on a tribunal, Tobias on a bed, Joseph on a bushel, Benjamin on a sack, David on a little hill, John on the ground, Pharaoh on sand, Lazarus on a board, Jesus on a well, Zacchaeus on a tree, Matthew on a bench, Rebecca on a water-jar, Raab on tow, Ruth on a stalk, Thecla on a window, Susanna in a garden, Absalom among leaves, Judas on a coffin, Peter on a chair, James on a net, Samson on a column, Heli on a stool, Rachel on a pack. Patiently stood Paul, and Esau murmured, and Job grieved because he alone sat in dung.

Then Rebecca handed out a cloak, Judith a coverlet, Hagar a rug; Shem and Japheth covered them. To those reclining, the first course of the dinner was brought in, and Jonah took gourds, Isaiah greens, beets Israel, mulberries Ezekiel, sycamore figs Zacchaeus, lettuce Adam, lupines Daniel, melons Pharaoh, thistle Cain, figs Eve, an apple Rachel, a plum Ananias, onions Na, olives Aaron, an egg Joseph, grapes Noah, kernels Simeon, vinegar Junas; Jesus Christ took oxygarum. Then Jacob arrived with his sons, and Laban with his daughters, and they sat upon stones. Abraham also came with his household, and Moses with the rest of the crowd, and they sat outside. Then the king, looking upon his invited guests, spoke thus: "Let each of you come into my wardrobe, and I will give each of you dinner garments." Then some went and received. First of all, Zacharias took a white garment, Abraham a sparrow-colored one, Lot a sulfur-colored one, Lazarus a linen one, Jonah a sky-blue one, Thecla a flame-colored one, Daniel a lion-colored one, John a dining-room garment, Adam a leather one, Judas a silver one, Rahab a scarlet one, Herodias a hinge-colored one, Pharaoh a sea-colored one, Enoch a sky-colored one, Hagar a variegated one, David a sinew-colored one, Elijah an air-colored one, Eve a tree-colored one, Job a double-striped one, Isaiah a half-turned one, Mary a stole, Susanna a chestnut-colored one, Moses a purple one, Abel a purple one, Levi a spart-colored one, Tamar a colored one, Azariah a cambric one, Aaron a myrrh-colored one, Judith a hyacinth-colored one, Cain a rust-colored one, Abiram a black one, Anna a peach-colored one, Isaac a native-colored one.

Paul the Tharsian, Peter the working woman, Jacob the false-truth. Jesus the dove. And when he had distributed the garments, the king, looking at them, spoke thus: "You will not dine before each of you has performed his individual tasks." And so they completed the services commanded them. First of all, therefore, Elijah sought fire, Azariah kindled it, Sarah brought a beam, Jephthah gathered, Isaac carried, Joseph cut up, Jacob opened a well, Zipporah brought hyssop, Daniel stood at the cistern, servants brought water, Rebecca carried a pitcher, Noah brought forth wine, Hagar carried a wineskin, Judas brought silver, Abraham led a calf, Rahab bound it, Jesus brought a rope, Elijah joined the feet, Peter handed over iron, Daniel struck, Cain killed, Habakkuk supported, Absalom hanged, Elijah flayed the skin, Hermocrates opened the belly, Tobias hung up the middle, Herod shed blood, Shem threw out dung, Japheth added water, Elisha washed, Phalech divided the parts, Anses counted, Molessadon put salt, Jacob added oil, Antiochus put it on the fire, Rebecca cooked, Eve tasted first. And when all was finished, they all sat back in their places. Then Saul brought in bread, Jesus broke it, Peter gave it to all, Jacob brought in lentils, Esau ate alone, Habakkuk brought in a porridge, Daniel ate it all, Amelsad brought in a bean, Misael tasted first.

But since Isaac had eaten the roasted goat, and Tobias the baked fish, Aeglom began to clamor. Daniel was very hungry, Hermocrates was asking for bread; John was not eating. Moses had tasted nothing, Jesus was fasting, Lazarus was gathering crumbs. The others, however, were holding their portions, which they had received from various hunts. Abraham had veal, Esau venison, Abel lamb, Noe mutton, Samson lion, Elisha bear; yet Benjamin held the largest portion. Afterwards Pharaoh gave loaves, Joseph divided them among all, Herod brought the dish, Rebecca arranged the portions, Jacob brought them in, Noe distributed them to all. The first one took the head of John, the brain of Absalom, the tongue of Aaron, the jaw of Samson, the little ear of Peter, the eyes of Leah, the neck of Holofernes, the arteries of Zacharias, the neck of Saul, the arms of Hagar, the entrails of Jonah, the gall of the fish of Tobias, the heart of Pharaoh, the kidneys of Isaiah, the side of Adam, the rib of Eve, the loins of Mary, the belly of Sarah, the womb of Elizabeth, the fat of Abel, the thighs of Abraham, the tail of Moses, the legs of Lot, the feet of Jacob, and Ezekiel gathered the bones.

Then James and Andrew brought in fish. So Jesus took up a little donkey, Moses a labeo, Benjamin a sea bass, Abel a grey mullet, Eve a moray eel, Adam a young tunny, John a locust, Cain a swordfish, Absalom a catch, Pharaoh a polyp, Leah a shameful thing, Thamar a gilt-head bream, Hagar a parrotfish, David a cantharis, Joseph a herring, Jeremiah a rockfish, Lazarus a shadow, Judah a sole, Tobias a swallow, Judas a silver fish, Herod a cuttlefish, Esau a horned fish, Jonah a glaucus, Jacob a foxfish, Molessadon a salpa, Isaiah a dentex, Thecla a spider, Noah a coracinus, Rebecca a redfish, Goliath a lizard, Mary a mæna, and Samson a lion. And Jonah set out vinegar, Molessadon put salt, Cain dipped first. When all had been finished, Abel gave fat, Jonathan honey, Abraham milk, Sara sprinkled, Jesus made sweets, Paul served. But since they had several kinds of wine, Jesus drank passum, Jonah Marsican, Pharaoh Surrentine, Adam pellinum, Moses Gaditanian, Isaac Cretan, Aaron Adrian, Zacchæus arbustine, Thecla arsine, John Albense, Abel Campanian, Mary Signine, Rachel Florentine. In the fullness of wine, Adam lay wise, Noah fell asleep drunk, Loth was quite soaked, Holofernes snored, sleep held Jonah, Peter kept watch near the rooster, Jesus was awakened, Jacob sought to rise, Laham rose first. Then Benjamin mixed a cup, Martha brought it, Peter drank first.

But since Amelsad had taken away the wine, and Jonas had mixed it badly, Hermippus was grumbling, John was drinking water, Mary was asking for wine, Susanna was not consenting. Martha was carrying a full flask, Ishmael was thirsty, Tobias wanted to go, James wanted to drink another's cup. And when everything was taken away, Pilate was asking for water for his hands, Judas handed it over, Martha served, Hermocrates poured it out, Peter offered a linen cloth, Isaiah brought in a lamp, Simeon gave thanks, Anna blessed, Rachel brought in garlands, David offered hyssop, Mary gave ointment, Martha anointed, Adam brought in apples, Samson offered a honeycomb, David struck the cithara, Mary the timbrel, Jubal played the psaltery, Judith led the dances, Asael sang, Herodias danced, Azarias gave praises, Mambres played the magician more, Isaac made laughter, Judas offered a kiss, Lot said farewell. And when they wished to depart, the king, looking at them, spoke thus: "Now celebrate and throng the wedding day in every way, and change your garments, as if making processions; thus go into your homes." Indeed, the king's will pleased everyone: and so first of all Jesus proceeds as the master, John as the guard.

Peter as a net-fighter, Pharaoh as a pursuer, Nimrod as a hunter, Judas as an informer, Adam as a gardener, Eve as a beginner, Cain as a thief, Abel as a shepherd, Jacob as a runner, Zacharias as a priest, David as a king, Jubal as a harpist, James as a fisherman, Antiochus as a cook, Rebecca as a water-bearer, Ananias as a furnace-tender, Thecla as a beast-fighter, Molessadon as a dullard, Solomon as a religious man, Martha as a servant, Uriah as a soldier, Herod as a madman, Ham as a slave, Tobias as a physician, Noah as a drunkard, Isaac as a laughingstock, Job as a mourner, Daniel as a judge, Joseph as a carpenter, Tamar as a prostitute, Rachel as a beauty, Leah as a hateful woman, Mary as a mistress, Lot as an impious man, Amalek as an adversary, Shem as a builder, Esau as a rustic, Goliath as a strongman, Jeroboam as a baker. But since Dinah was quarreling, Aaron was pouring out water, and Jonah was naked; then Joshua sought the sun so that Bathsheba might be dried. After this was done, the king ordered them to come to him; they came the next day and offered him gifts. First of all, therefore, Abraham offered a ram, Thecla a bull, Noah a ewe, Rebecca a camel, Samson a lion, Esau a stag, Jesus a calf, Jacob a pack animal, Elijah a chariot, Judith a garment, Bathsheba her hair, Isaac wood, Joseph grain, Reuben resin, Abimelech money, Levi pinecones, Moses a chest, Peter a honeycomb, Abigail supplies. But since before the day of the feast certain things had been removed from the feast, they were investigated by them at the king's command.

He had wrapped up the many-colored coverlet of Hagar, the golden seal of Rachel, the silver mirror of Thecla, the drinking cup of Benjamin, the signet ring of Tamar, the silken coverlet of Judith, the royal spear of David, and had carried off the wife of another man, Abimelech. Then the king ordered that all who had been at the banquet be led to torture. When this was done, first the innocent John is beheaded, Abel is killed, Adam is cast out, Zacharias grows silent in fear, Jacob flees, Enoch laments, Abimelech is troubled, Nebuchadnezzar is changed, Abraham pleads, Elijah is taken up, Dinah is suppressed, Noah is shut in, Lot is thrust forward, Jesus is fastened, Daniel is condemned, Susanna is accused, Joseph is bound, Martha is killed, Habakkuk is taken away, Thecla is given to the beasts, Ananias is thrown into the furnace, Samson is bound with chains, Uriah is punished, Paul is scourged, Isaiah is stretched, Jonah is stripped, Jeremiah is stoned, Tobias is blinded, they did not believe Moses, Abiram is withdrawn, Absalom is hanged, Rebecca is confounded, Hagar is led away, Pharaoh is accused, Dathan is abandoned, Korah is oppressed, Isaac is joined, Nathan is sent, Amalek is convicted, Judas is cursed, Mambres is dishonored, Lot is recognized, Phinehas is killed, Ophni is dismissed, Eli dies in fear, Dinah is pressed down, Esau is deceived, Saul is drawn tight, Job grieves over what was done, Eve is questioned, Cain cries "I do not know," Peter is held and denies.

But since the conscience of many was involved in the theft that Raab was undertaking, Laban was searching, Susanna was being defamed, John was accusing, Rachel was denying, Moses was teaching, Tryphaena was weeping, Mary was watching, Onesiphorus was attending, Paul was sad, Jacob was swearing, Pharaoh was not believing, Jeroboam was lying, Susanna was trembling, Rebecca was blushing, Jeremiah was lamenting. Afterwards, when all had been searched, the theft was found with Benjamin, which was in the conscience of Joseph. But after it was proven to the king that Achar, son of Charmi, alone was guilty of the theft, he ordered him to be put to death and gave him to all. Then, having taken the opportunity, first of all Moses struck him with a heel, Jacob went into an embrace, Thecla tore his garment, Daniel dashed him to the ground, David struck him with a stone, Aaron with a rod, Jesus with a whip, Judas split him open in the middle, Eleazar pierced him with a lance. Then he ordered that the dead man be buried; and Laban sold a field, Abraham bought it, Joseph made a tomb, and Nachor built it, Mary placed spices, Noah closed it, Pilate wrote the inscription, Judas received the price: at which deed Zacharias shouts rejoicing, Elizabeth is confounded, Mary is amazed, Sara laughed at the deed. And when all was finished, they returned to their homes.