Soliloquiorum Animae Ad Deum [Incertus]

THE SOLILOQUIES OF THE SOUL TO GOD, ONE BOOK.

CHAPTER ONE. The aspiration to the knowledge and love of God. The desire of the vision of God. The causes of the lack of the love of God. The disagreements of man with God. I shall know you, Lord, my knower; I shall know you, the strength of my soul. Show yourself to me, my consoler; let me see you, light of my eyes. Come, joy of my spirit; let me see you, gladness of my heart; let me love you, life of my soul. Appear to me, my great delight, my sweet consolation, Lord my God, the whole life and glory of my soul. Let me find you, desire of my heart; let me hold you, love of my soul. Let me embrace you, heavenly bridegroom, my highest exultation within and without. Let me possess you, everlasting blessedness; let me possess you in the midst of my heart, blessed life, highest sweetness of my soul. Let me love you, Lord, my strength; the Lord is my firmament and my refuge, and my deliverer (Ps. XVII, 2). Let me love you, my God, my helper, a tower of strength for me, and my sweet hope in all my tribulation. Let me embrace you, good without whom nothing is good; let me enjoy you, best one, without whom nothing is best. Open the inner chambers of my ears, Word more piercing than any two-edged sword (Heb. IV, 12), that I may hear your voice. Thunder, Lord, from on high with a great and strong voice. Let the sea thunder and its fullness, let the earth be moved and all things that are in it (Ps. XCV, 11, 12). Enlighten my eyes, incomprehensible light, flash forth lightning and scatter them (Ps.

that I may not see vanity. Multiply your lightning flashes and confound them, that the fountains of waters may appear and the foundations of the earth be revealed (Ps. 17:15). Grant sight, O invisible light, to him who would see you. Create a new sense of smell, O odor of life, that he may run after you in the odor of your ointments (Cant. 1:3). Heal the taste, that it may savor and know and discern how great is the multitude of your sweetness, O Lord, which you have hidden for those who are full of your charity (Ps. 30:20). Give a heart that longs for you, a soul that loves you, a mind that remembers you, an understanding that understands you, a reason that ever cleaves mightily to you, the supreme sweetness; a wise love that loves you wisely.

O life, in which all things live; life, which gives me life; life, which is my life; life, through which I live, without which I die; life, through which I am raised up, without which I perish; life, through which I rejoice, without which I am afflicted: life vital, sweet and lovable, and ever to be remembered. Where, I ask, are you? Where shall I find you, that in you I may fail and in you subsist? Be near to me in my mind, near in my heart, near in my mouth, near in my help: because I languish with love, because without you I die, because remembering you I am raised up. Your fragrance refreshes me, your memory heals me: but I shall be satisfied when your glory shall appear, O life of my soul. My soul longs and faints at the memory of you, when shall I come and appear before you, O my joy? Why do you turn away your face, the joy through which I rejoice?

Where are you hidden, beautiful one whom I desire? I breathe in your fragrance; I live and rejoice, yet I do not see you. I hear your voice, and I am revived. But why do you hide your face? Perhaps you say, No man shall see me and live (Exod. 33). Let me die, Lord, that I may see you; let me see you, that I may die here. I do not wish to live, I wish to die; I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ (Phil. 1:23). I long to die that I may see Christ; I refuse to live that I may live with Christ. Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. My life, receive my soul. My joy, draw my heart; my sweet food, let me eat you. My head, guide me; light of my eyes, enlighten me; my melody, tune me; my fragrance, give me life; word of God, refresh me. My praise, gladden the soul of your servant. Enter into it, true joy, that it may rejoice in you; enter into it, highest sweetness, that it may taste sweet things; eternal light, shine upon it, that it may understand you, know you, and love you.

For this reason, Lord, one does not love you if one does not love you because one does not know you; and therefore one does not know you because one does not understand; and for that reason one does not understand because one does not comprehend your light: and the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not comprehended it (John 1). O light of the mind, O shining truth, O true brightness, you who enlighten every man coming into this world (coming indeed, but not loving; because whoever loves the world is made an enemy of God [James 4:4]), drive away the darkness from the face of the abyss of my mind, so that it may see you by understanding, know you by comprehending, love you by knowing. For whoever knows you loves you; he forgets himself, loves you more than himself; he forsakes himself and comes to you, to rejoice in you. Hence it is, then, Lord, that I do not love you as much as I ought, because I do not fully know you. But because I know little, I love little, and because I love little, I rejoice little in you; but withdrawing from you, the true inner joy, through outward things, while I lack you alone, I seek adulterous friendships in these outward things. And so I, wretched man, have given my heart, which I owed to you alone with all love and all affection, to vain things, and I have been made vain, while I have loved vanity.

CHAPTER II. The various dispositions of God toward man. Hence also it is, Lord, that I do not rejoice in you, and do not cleave to you: because I am in outward things, you in inward things; I in carnal things, you in spiritual things; I am distracted in mind by transitory things, occupied in thought, entangled in speech, and you, Lord, dwell in eternal things, eternity itself. You are in the heart, I in the earth; you love high things, I the lowest; you heavenly things, I earthly things. And when will these contraries be able to come together? Wretched man that I am! When will my crookedness be made equal to your uprightness? You, Lord, love solitude, I multitude; you silence, I clamor; you truth, I vanity; you cleanness, I follow uncleanness. What more, Lord? You are truly good, I am evil; you are merciful, I am impious; you are holy, I am wretched; you are just, I am unjust; you are light, I am blind; you are life, I am dead; you are medicine, I am sick; you are joy, I am sorrow; you are the highest truth, I am all vanity, as is every man living (Ps. XXXVIII 6).

Alas! What then shall I say, O Creator? Hear, O Creator. I am your creature, and I have already perished; I am your creature, and I am already dying; I am your handiwork, and I am already brought to nothing. I am your clay: your hands, O Lord, made me and formed me (Ps. 118); the hands, I say, that were nailed to the cross for me; do not despise the work of your hands, O Lord; I beseech you, look upon the wounds of your hands. Behold, you have written me in your hands; read that very writing, and save me. Behold, I sigh to you, your creature; you are the Creator, recreate me. Behold, I cry to you, your handiwork; you are life, restore me. Behold, I look to you, your clay; you are the fashioner, restore me. Spare me, O Lord, for my days are nothing (Job 7:16). What is man, that he should be able to speak to God his maker? Spare me as I speak to you, pardon a servant who presumes to speak to his Lord. Necessity has no law. Grief has compelled me to speak, and the calamity that I suffer forces me to cry out. I am sick, I cry to the physician; I am blind, I hasten to the light; I am dead, I sigh for life. You are the physician, you the light, you the life. Jesus of Nazareth, have mercy on me; son of David, have mercy on me (Matt. 20): fountain of mercy, hear him who cries to you in his weakness. Light that passes by, wait for the blind man: offer your hand, that he may come to you, and in your light see light (Ps. 35:10). Living life, call back the dead.

What am I, who speak with you? Woe to me, O Lord, spare me: I am a rotten corpse, food for worms, a stinking vessel, fuel for the fires. What am I, who speak with you? Woe to me, O Lord, spare me: I am an unhappy man; a man, I say, born of a woman, living for a brief time, filled with many miseries (Job 14:1); a man, I say, made like unto vanity (Ps. 144:4), compared to senseless beasts, and already made like unto them (Ps. 49:13). What again am I? A dark abyss, a land of misery, a son of wrath, a vessel fit for dishonor, conceived in uncleanness, living in misery, about to die in anguish. Alas, wretched man that I am, what am I? Alas, what shall I be? And what am I? A vessel of dung, a shell of rottenness, full of stench and horror: blind, poor, naked, subject to many necessities, ignorant of my going in and my coming out. Wretched and mortal, whose days pass away like a shadow, whose life vanishes like the shadow of the moon; like a flower it grows on the tree, and at once withers; now it blooms, and at once it dries up (Ps. 102:12). My life, I say, is a fragile life, a fleeting life, a life that the more it grows, the more it decreases; the more it advances, the more it approaches death: a deceitful and shadowy life, full of the snares of death.

Now I rejoice, and at once I am saddened; now I am strong, and presently I am weak; now I live, and at once I die; now I appear happy, and am always wretched; now I laugh, and at once I weep: and so all things are subject to mutability, such that scarcely one hour remains for me in one state. Hence fear, hence trembling, hence hunger, hence thirst, hence heat, hence cold, hence weariness, and thence pain abounds. After these comes importunate death, which by a thousand means daily snatches away wretched men. For it oppresses one with fevers, another with pains; it consumes one with hunger, another it extinguishes with thirst; one it suffocates in the waters, another it kills with the noose, another it destroys by flames, another it devours with the teeth of savage beasts, one it slaughters with the sword, another it corrupts with poison, and compels yet another to end his wretched life by sudden terror alone. And now, above all these things, there is a great misery, because although nothing is more certain than death, man nevertheless does not know his own end; and while he thinks he stands, he is taken away and his hope perishes. For man does not know when or where or how he will die: and yet he is certain that he must die. Behold, O Lord, how great is the misery of man in which I am, and I do not fear; how great the calamity which I suffer, and I do not grieve, and I do not cry out to you. I will cry out, O Lord, before I pass away: if perhaps I may not pass away, but remain in you. I will therefore speak, I will speak my misery: I will confess, and I will not be ashamed before you, my vileness.

Help me, my strength, by whom I am raised up; succor me, power, by whom I am sustained; come, light, by whom I see; appear, glory, by whom I rejoice. Appear, I say, and I shall live.

CHAPTER III. The misery and frailty of the name. The light which Tobias saw, when with closed eyes he taught his son the way of life (Tob. IV, 2-20); the light which Isaac saw inwardly, when with dimmed eyes outwardly he foretold the future to his son (Gen. XXVII, 28); the light, I say, invisible, to which every abyss of the human heart is visible; the light which Jacob saw, when, as you taught within, he foretold outwardly to his sons the things to come (Id. XLIX, 1-28); behold, darkness is upon the face of the abyss of my mind, you are the light: behold, dark gloom upon the waters of my heart, you are the truth. The Word through which all things were made, without which nothing was made; the Word which is before all things, before which nothing; the Word creating all things, without which nothing [is] all things (John I, 3); the Word ruling all things, without which all things are not; the Word which you spoke in the beginning, Let there be light, and there was light (Gen. I, 3), speak also now, Let there be light, and let there be light: and may I see the light, and know whatever is not light; because without you, light is darkness to me, and light is reckoned darkness. And so may I be [in] your light; where there is not truth, error is present; vanity is present, truth is not; there is no discernment, confusion is present; ignorance is present, knowledge is not; blindness is present, vision is not; there is no way, the way is not; death is present, life is not.

CHAPTER IV. The necessity of God's light and the entreaty for it. Behold, Lord, because there is no light, there is death; nay, there is not death, because death is nothing; for by death itself we are beaten down to nothing, while we do not fear to do nothing through sin. And rightly indeed is this so, Lord; for we receive what our deeds deserve, when we come to nothing like water running down: because without you nothing was made, and we, by doing nothing, have been made nothing: because without you we are nothing, through whom all things were made, and without whom nothing was made. Lord Word, O God Word, through whom all things were made, without whom nothing was made (John 1:3); woe to me, wretched man, so often blinded, because you are light, and I am without you; so often wounded, because you are salvation, and I am without you; so often made foolish, because you are truth, and I am without you; so often gone astray, because you are the way, and I am without you; so often dead, because you are life, and I am without you; so often brought to nothing, because you are the Word through whom all things were made, and I am without you, without whom nothing was made. Lord Word, O God Word, who are the light through which light was made; who are the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6); in whom there are no darkness, error, vanity, or death; the light without which there is darkness, the way without which there is error, the truth without which there is vanity, the life without which there is death; speak the word, speak, Lord, Let there be light, that I may see the light and avoid the darkness; that I may see the way and avoid the pathless waste; that I may see the truth and avoid vanity; that I may see the life and avoid death.

Be illumined, O Lord, my light, my illumination, and my salvation; whom shall I fear? My Lord, whom I shall praise; my God, whom I shall honor; my Father, whom I shall love; my bridegroom, whom I shall serve. Be illumined, I say, be illumined, O light, upon this blind man of yours who sits in darkness and in the shadow of death, and direct his feet into the way of peace, through which I may enter into the place of the wondrous tabernacle, even to the house of God, with the voice of exultation and confession. Truly confession is the way by which I may enter to you, the way by which I may depart from the pathless waste and return to you; for you are the true way of life.

CHAPTER V. Our misery from sin. That sin is nothing. That the one who sins becomes nothing. Let me therefore confess, confess to you, Lord Father, king of heaven and earth, my misery, so that I may be permitted to come to your mercy. For I have been made miserable, and I have been brought back to nothing, and I did not know it; because you are truth, and I was not with you. My iniquities have wounded me, and I did not grieve; because you are life, and I was not with you. They have brought me down to nothing; because you are the Word, and I was not with you, through whom all things were made, or by whom nothing was made: and therefore without you I have been made nothing, because that which leads to nothing is nothing. All things were made through the Word, whatever things were made. And of what kind were they made? God saw all things that he had made, and they were very good (Gen. 1:31). All things whatsoever that exist were made through the Word: and all things whatsoever that were made through the Word are very good.

Why are they good? Because they were made through the Word. And without him was made nothing (John 1:3); because nothing is good without the highest good, but evil is where good is not, which is certainly nothing; because evil is nothing other than the privation of good, just as blindness is nothing other than the privation of light. Evil, therefore, is nothing; because it was certainly made without the Word, without whom nothing was made. But that is evil which deprives one of that good through which all good things were made, namely the Word through which all things whatsoever that exist were made. But the things that do not exist were not made through him, and therefore they are nothing. And therefore those things are evil which were not made; because all things whatsoever that exist were made through the Word, and all things were made good through the Word. Since, therefore, all things were made through the Word, evil things were not made through him: it remains, therefore, that all things whatsoever that were not made are not good; because all things that were made are good. And therefore they are not evil, since they were not made, and therefore they are nothing, because without the Word nothing was made. Evil, therefore, is nothing; because it was not made. But how is it evil, if it was not made? Because evil is the privation of the Word, through which good was made. To be without the Word, therefore, is evil; which is not to be, because without him there is nothing. But what is it to be separated from the Word? If you wish to know this, hear what the Word is. The Word of God says, I am the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6).

To be separated from the Word, therefore, is to be without the way, without the truth, without the life; and therefore to be nothing, and therefore evil, because to be separated from the good through which all things were made very good. But to be separated from the Word through which all things were made is nothing other than to fail and to pass from what has been made into defect, because without him there is nothing. Therefore, as often as you turn aside from the good, you separate yourself from the Word, because he himself is the good; and therefore you are made nothing, because you are without the Word, without whom nothing was made.

Now, Lord, you have enlightened me that I might see you; I have seen you, and I have known myself, that as often as I have been separated from you, so often have I been made nothing; because I have forgotten the good that you are, and therefore I have been made nothing. Woe to me, wretched man! Why did I not know this, that in forsaking you I was becoming nothing? But why do I ask this? If I was nothing, how did I wish to know? We know that nothing is nothing; and what is nothing does not exist; and what does not exist is not good, because it is nothing. If therefore I was nothing when I was without you, I was as it were nothing, and like an idol which is nothing: which indeed has ears and does not hear; has nostrils and does not smell; has eyes and does not see; has a mouth and does not speak; has hands and does not feel; has feet and does not walk; and all the lineaments of its members without their sensation.

CHAPTER VI. The misery of the sinner. Without the Word there is nothing, nothing is preserved. When therefore I was without you, I was not; because I was nothing. And therefore I was blind, deaf, and insensible; because I neither discerned the good, nor fled from evil, nor felt the pain of my wounds, nor saw my darkness; because I was without you, the true light, who enlightens every man coming into this world (John 1:9). Woe to me! They wounded me, and I did not grieve; they dragged me, and I did not feel it: because I was nothing, because I was without life, which is the Word through whom all things were made. Therefore, Lord my light, my enemies have done to me whatever they wished, struck me, stripped me, defiled me, corrupted me, wounded me, and killed me: because I withdrew from you, and I became nothing without you. Alas, Lord, my life who made me, my light who directed me. Defender of my life, have mercy on me and revive me. Lord my God, my hope, my virtue, my strength, my consolation in the day of my tribulation, look upon my enemies, and deliver me: let those who hate you flee from your face, and let me live in you through you. For they, Lord, have considered me, and seeing me without you, they despised me. They divided among themselves the garments of the virtues with which you had adorned me (Ps. 21:18, 49), they made a way for themselves through me, they trampled me under their feet: they defiled your holy temple with the filth of sins, they left me desolate and consumed with grief.

I was going after them blind and new to it, and entangled in the cords of sins. They dragged me after them in a circle from vice to vice, and from mud into mud; and I went without strength before the face of the one pursuing. I was a slave, I loved slavery. I was blind, I desired blindness. I was bound, I did not shudder at the bonds. I believed bitter to be sweet, and sweet to be bitter. I was wretched, and I did not know it; and this because I was without you, the Word, without whom nothing was made; through whom all things are preserved, without whom all things are brought to nothing. For just as all things were made through him, and without him nothing was made; so through him all things that exist are preserved, whether in heaven, or on earth, or in the sea, and in all the deeps. Nor does one part cling to another in a stone, nor in any of created things, except because they are preserved through the Word, through whom all things were made. Let me therefore cling to you, O Word, that you may preserve me; because when I withdrew from you, I perished in myself: except that you who had made me, remade me. I sinned, you visited me; I fell, you raised me up; I was ignorant, you taught me; I did not see, you enlightened me.

CHAPTER VII. The love of God is stirred by the contemplation of his benefits. The benefit of creation. How man is inferior to the angels. Wretched me, my God, show me how much I am bound to love you; demonstrate to me how much I owe you praise; make known to me how much I ought to please you. Thunder, Lord, with a great and strong voice into the inner ear of my heart: teach me and save me, and I will praise you; you who created me when I was nothing; who enlightened me when I was in darkness; who raised me up when I was dead; who have fed me from my youth with all your good things. This useless worm, stinking with sins, you nourish with all your best gifts. Open to me, O key of David, who open and no one shuts to the one to whom you open; who shut and no one opens to the one to whom you shut: open to me the door of your light, that I may enter and see, and know, and confess to you with my whole heart, that your mercy is great upon me, and you have delivered my soul from the lowest hell. Lord my God, how wonderful, how praiseworthy is your name in all the earth! And what is man that you are mindful of him, or the son of man that you visit him (Ps. VIII, 2, 5)?

Lord, hope of the saints and their tower of strength; life of my soul, by which I live, without which I die; light of my eyes, by which I see, without which I am deprived; joy of my heart and gladness of my spirit, I will love you with my whole heart, with my whole soul, with all my inmost being and affections, because you first loved me (1 John 4:10). And whence is this to me, O creator of heaven and earth and the abyss, who have no need of my goods; whence is this to me, that you have loved me? O Wisdom who opens the mouth of the mute, O Word through whom all things were made, open my mouth, give me a voice of praise, that I may recount all your benefits, which, Lord, you have bestowed on me from the beginning. For behold, I am, because you created me; and that you would create me, and number me among the number of your creatures, you foreordained from eternity. Before you made anything from the beginning, before you stretched out the heavens; when the abysses did not yet exist, when you had not yet made the earth, nor founded the mountains, when the fountains had not yet burst forth (Prov. 8:22-27), before you made all these things which you have made through the Word, by the most certain providence of your truth you foresaw that I would be your creature, and you willed that I be your creature. And whence is this to me, most kind Lord, most high God, most merciful Father, most powerful and always most gentle Creator? What merits of mine, what grace of mine, that it should please you to create me before the sight of your magnificent majesty? I was not, and you created me; I had been nothing, and you made me something out of nothing?

But what kind of thing? Not a star, not fire, not a bird or a fish, not a serpent or any of the brute animals, not a stone or a piece of wood; not of the kind of those things which merely have being; nor of those which merely have being and can grow; not of the kind of those which merely have being and can grow and can feel: but above all these you willed that I should be, from among those things which have being, because I am; and from among those which have being and grow, because I am and I grow; and from among those which have being, grow, and feel, because I am, I grow, and I feel.

CHAPTER VIII. How he is equal. In what respect the most worthy creature. What a benefit it is to be able to become a son of God. This capacity in us is from mere grace. And a little lower than the angels you created me, because I received from you in common with them the reason by which I may know you. But I said "a little lower" indeed; for they already have your blessed knowledge by sight, but I by hope; they face to face, I through a mirror in an enigma; they fully, but I in part. But when that which is perfect has come, that which is in part will be done away, when, with face now unveiled, we shall see your face. What will then prevent us from being a little lower than the angels, whom you, Lord, the crown of hope, which is adorned with glory, have crowned with glory and honor; whom you have honored exceedingly as your friends, indeed have made equal and alike to the angels in all things? Surely your truth says this also: for they are equal to the angels, and they are sons of God (Luke 20:36).

Why should I not be a son of God, if they will be equal to the angels? Truly they will be sons of God. Because the Son of man was made the Son of God. Therefore, as I consider this, I have confidence to say: man is not a little lower than the angels—not, indeed, only equal to the angels, but higher than the angels; because man is God, and God is man, but not an angel. And for this reason I will say that man is the most worthy creature, because the Word which was in the beginning, God with God; the Word through which God said, Let there be light, and light was made (Gen. 1:3), namely the angelic nature; the Word through which God created all things in the beginning—the same Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw his glory (John 1:14). Behold the glory in which I glory, when I glory soundly. Behold the joy in which I rejoice, when I rejoice soundly, Lord my God, the life and whole glory of my soul.

I confess therefore, Lord my God, that when you created me capable of reason, you created me in a certain way a parent of the angels; because I can be perfected through your Word, so that I may come to equality with the angels, so that I may have adoption as sons through your only-begotten Word, Lord, through your beloved Son, in whom you were well pleased, through the man clinging to you and consubstantial with you and coeternal, Jesus Christ, our only Lord and redeemer, our illuminator and consoler, our advocate with you.

and the light of our eyes, who is our life and savior, and our only hope; who loved us more than himself, through whom we have a confidence stored up and a firm hope with you, and access to come to you; for he gave power to become sons of God to those who believe in his name (Ibid., 12). I will give praise to your name, O Lord, who by creating me in your image and likeness (Gen. 1:27), of such great glory, made me capable of becoming a son of God. This trees cannot do, stones cannot do, nor generally all things that are moved or grow in the air, or in the sea, or on the land: because your Word did not give them power to become sons of God, since they have no reason; for this power consists in reason, through which we know God. But he gave it to men, whom he created rational in his image and likeness. And I indeed, O Lord, through your grace, am a man: and I can be your son through grace, which they cannot.

Whence is this to me, Lord, highest truth and true summit, and the beginning of all creatures; whence is this to me, Lord, that I can become your son, which they cannot? For you, abiding forever, created all things at once. At once you created men and beasts, stones and the green things of the earth. No merits of theirs came first; grace came before them, because you created all things by your goodness alone, and all creatures were equal in merits, because the merits of all were none. And whence, then, did your goodness appear more in this your creature, which you made rational, than in all the others that are without reason? Why am I not like all those, or why are not all those like me, or why am I alone like them? What are my merits, what is my grace, that you should create me capable of becoming a son of God, which you denied to all those? Far be it, Lord, that I should think this. It was your grace alone, your goodness alone, that made this, that I should be a partaker of its sweetness. That grace, therefore, by which you created me out of nothing, that grace, I beseech you, Lord, give to me, that I may give thanks to you for this.

CHAPTER IX. On the omnipotence of God. Why we were not made a stone, a tree, etc. Your almighty hand, always one and the same, created angels in heaven and worms on the earth: not greater in those, not lesser in these. For just as no hand could create an angel, so no hand could create a worm; just as no hand could create heaven, so no hand could create the smallest leaf of a tree; just as no hand could make a body, so no hand could make a single hair white or black; but your almighty hand, to which all things alike are possible. For it is not more possible for it to create a worm than an angel, nor more impossible to spread out heaven than a leaf, nor easier to form a hair than a body, nor harder to pour out the earth upon the waters than to found the waters upon the earth: but all things whatsoever it willed, it has done, in heaven and on earth, in the sea and in all the deeps, and among all things, as it willed, it was able and it knew. Your hand, Lord, was indeed able to create me a stone, or a bird, or a serpent, or some beast, and it knew how; but it would not, because of its own goodness. Why then am I not a stone, or a tree, or some beast? Because your goodness so ordained. And in order that it should ordain this, no merits of mine went before.

CHAPTER X. Man is insufficient to praise God. Who praises God. True praise of man. Again on the insufficiency for the praise of God. Whence it is supplied. Whence is this to me, by name? Whence are praises to me for praising you? As you made me without me, as it pleased you before you, so praise is to you without me, as it pleases you before you. Your praise, Lord, you yourself are. Let your works praise you according to the multitude of your greatness. Your praise, Lord, is incomprehensible; it is not comprehended by the heart, not measured by the mouth, not perceived by the ear: because these things pass away, and your praise remains forever. Thought begins, thought ends; the voice sounds and passes; the ear hears, and hearing ceases; but your praise stands forever. Who, then, is there who may praise you? What man may announce your praise? Your praise is perpetual, it is not transitory. He praises you who believes that you yourself are your praise. He praises you who knows himself unable to attain to your praise. Perpetual praise, which you never pass beyond, our praise is in you, my soul shall be praised in you. We do not praise you: but you praise yourself, and through yourself, and in yourself; and our praise also is in you. Then we have true praise, when we have praise from you, when the light approves the light; because you, the true praise, bestow true praise. As often as we seek praise from another rather than from you, so often do we lose your praise: because that is transitory, but yours is eternal. If we seek the transitory, we lose the eternal.

If we wish for what is eternal, let us not love what is transitory. Eternal praise, Lord my God, from whom is all praise, without whom there is no praise, I cannot praise you without you: may I have you, and I shall praise you. For who am I, Lord, that I should praise you? I am dust and ashes, I am a dead and stinking dog, I am a worm and rottenness. Who am I, that I should praise you, Lord God, most mighty spirit of all flesh, who dwell in eternity? Will darkness praise the light, or death life? You are light, I am darkness; you are life, I am death. Will vanity praise the truth? You are the truth, I am a man made subject to vanity. What then, Lord, will praise you? Will my misery praise you? Will a stench praise a fragrance? Will the mortality of man, which is today and tomorrow is taken away, praise you? Will rottenness praise you, and the worm of the son of man? Will he praise you, Lord, who was conceived and born in sins? Let your almighty power praise you, Lord my God, your incomprehensible wisdom, your ineffable goodness. Let your surpassing clemency praise you, your superabounding mercy, and also your everlasting virtue and divinity. Let your most almighty strength praise you, and also your supreme kindness and love, for the sake of which you created us, Lord God, the life of my soul.

CHAPTER XI. The hope of salvation rests on the goodness by which he created. But I, your creature, will hope under the shadow of your wings in your goodness, by which you created me. Help your creature, whom your kindness created: let not what your goodness wrought perish in my wickedness; let not what your supreme mercy made perish in my misery. For what profit is there in your creation, if I descend into my corruption? Have you indeed made all the children of men in vain? You created me, Lord; rule what you created. Do not despise the works of your hands, God. You made me from nothing; if you do not rule me, Lord, I shall return again to nothing. For just as, Lord, I once was not, and from nothing you made me something, so if you do not rule me, I shall yet be brought back to nothing in myself. Help me, Lord my life, lest I perish in my wickedness. If you had not created me, Lord, I would not exist; because you created me, I now am; if you do not rule me, I am now not. Not my merits, not my grace, compelled you to create me, but your most kind goodness and mercy. That charity, Lord my God, which compelled you to creation, let that same, I beseech, now compel you to rule. For what does your charity profit, if I perish in my misery, and your right hand does not rule me?

Let this mercy compel you, O Lord my God, to save what you have created, the mercy that compelled you to create when it had not yet been created. Let that same love conquer you to save, which conquered you to create; for it is not now less, since that love is you yourself, who are always the same. Your hand is not shortened that it cannot save, nor is your ear grown heavy that it cannot hear; but my sins have divided between me and you, between darkness and light, between the image of death and life, between vanity and truth, between this lunatic life of mine and your eternal light.

CHAPTER XII. A prayer against the snares of the desires. Who may escape these snares? These are the shadows with which I am covered in this dark abyss of this prison, in which I lie prostrate until the day dawns and the shadows are removed, and a voice is made in the firmament of your power, the voice of the Lord in power, the voice of the Lord in magnificence; and let it say, Let there be light, and let the darkness be put to flight, and let the dry land appear, and let the earth bring forth green grass yielding seed and the good fruit of the righteousness of your kingdom. Lord Father and God, the life through which all things live, and without which all things are counted dead, do not abandon me in an evil thought, and do not give me the lifting up of my eyes. Take away from me my desires, and do not hand me over to a disrespectful and foolish mind; but possess my heart, that it may think on you always.

Enlighten my eyes, that they may see you and not be lifted up before you, eternal glory; but let them feel humbly, not in wonders above themselves; and let them see the things that are on your right, not the things that are on your left apart from you. And let my eyelids go before my steps; for your eyelids question the sons of men (Ps. 10:6). Crush my concupiscence by your sweetness, which you have hidden for those who fear you, so that I may desire to desire you with eternal desires; lest, enticed and deceived by vain things, the inner taste make bitter sweet and sweet bitter, darkness light and light darkness, in the midst of so many snares of the enemy spread everywhere over the face of this life to catch souls, with which the whole world is full, so that he who saw did not pass over it in silence, saying: For whatever is in the world is either the concupiscence of the flesh, or the concupiscence of the eyes, or the pride of life (1 John 2:16). Behold, O Lord my God, the whole world is full of the snares of concupiscences, which they have prepared for my feet. And who will escape these snares? Truly, the one from whom you have taken away the loftiness of his eyes, so that the concupiscence of the eyes does not capture him; and the one from whom you have taken away the concupiscence of the flesh, so that the concupiscence of the flesh does not capture him; and the one from whom you have taken away an irreverent and unruly mind, so that the pride of life does not cunningly deceive him. How happy is the one for whom you do these things! Indeed, he will pass through unharmed.

Now therefore I pray you, help me, lest I be taken in the sight of my adversaries, caught in their snares which they have prepared for my feet, to bow down my soul. But deliver me, O strength of my salvation, lest your enemies who hate you make a mockery of me. Arise, O Lord my God, my strong one, and let your enemies be scattered, and let those who hate you flee from your face: as wax melts before the fire, so let sinners perish before the face of God. And let me be hidden in the hiding place of your face, and rejoice with your children, satisfied with all your good things. And you, O Lord God, father of orphans, and you, mother of your little ones, hear the wailing of your children; and stretch out your wings, that we may flee under them from the face of the enemy, O tower of strength of Israel, who neither slumber nor sleep, keeping watch over Israel, for the enemy who attacks Israel does not slumber.

CHAPTER XIII. On the wonderful light of God. That in God alone man is well. On the various benefits of God. The light which no other light sees.

Light that sees no other light; light that darkens every light, and light that blinds every foreign light; light from which is every light, light from which is every light; light compared to which every light is darkness, compared to which every light is obscurity; light to which all darkness is light, to which all obscurity is light; supreme light which blindness does not cloud, which gloom does not dim, which darkness does not obscure, which no obstacles enclose, which no shadow ever separates; light that enlightens all things, all at once and at one time and always, absorb me into the abyss of your brightness, that I may see on every side you in you, and myself in you, and all things beneath you. Do not forsake me, lest the shadows of my ignorance grow, and the sins of light be multiplied. For without you all things are darkness to me, all things evil; because nothing is good without you, the true, sole, and highest good. This I confess, this I know, Lord my God, that wherever I am without you, it is ill with me apart from you, not only outside me, but even within me; because every abundance that is not my God is poverty to me. I shall be satisfied only when your glory appears. For indeed, Lord, my blessed life, to confess my misery to you: since I fell from your unity, the highest and one good, the multiform variety of temporal things has struck me down through carnal senses, and has divided me from you, the one, into many things; and there has been made for me a laborious abundance, and a plentiful want.

While I was following now one thing and now another, and was filled by none of them; while I was not finding you, the unchanging and singular and undivided one good, which when I have followed I do not wander, which when I have attained I do not grieve, which when I possess my whole desire is satisfied. Alas, great misery! Alas, woe! Lord, my wretched soul flees from you, with whom it always abounds and rejoices; and it follows the world, with which it is always in want and in pain. The world cries out, I fail; and you cry out, I refresh: and my wretched soul follows itself more to the one who fails than to the one who refreshes. Plainly this is my infirmity. Physician of spirits, heal it, that I may confess to you, salvation of my soul, with my whole heart for all your benefits, with which you feed me from my youth and even unto old age and gray hairs. I beseech you by yourself, do not forsake me.

You made me when I was not, you redeemed me when I had perished. I had perished, I had died; you descended to the dead, you took up mortality, a king you descended to a servant. To redeem a servant, you handed yourself over; that I might live, you took up death, you conquered death; you restored me when you humbled yourself. I had perished, I had gone away, I had been sold in sins; you came for me, to redeem me: and you loved me so much that you gave your blood as a price for me. You loved me more than yourself, because you willed to die for me. By such a pact, at so dear a price, you brought me back from exile, you redeemed me from slavery, you drew me back from punishment.

You called me by your name, you sealed me with your blood, so that your memorial might always be with me and never depart from my heart—you who for my sake never departed from the cross. You anointed me with your oil, with which you were anointed, so that I might be called Christ's, a Christian. And you have inscribed me in your hands, so that my memory may always be with you—if only your memory remains continually with me. Thus, then, your grace and mercy have always gone before me; for from many dangers you have often delivered me, and you will deliver me. When I erred, you brought me back to the way; when I was ignorant, you taught me; when I sinned, you corrected me; when I was sad, you consoled me; when I despaired, you strengthened me; when I fell, you raised me up; when I stood, you held me; when I went, you led me; when I came, you received me; when I slept, you guarded me; when I cried out, you heard me.

CHAPTER XIV. That God continually beholds the works and intentions of men. These and many other benefits you have bestowed on me, Lord my God, life of my soul: of which it would be sweet for me always to speak, always to think, and always to give thanks to you—so that I may be able to praise you for all your good things, and to love you with my whole heart, and with my whole soul, and with my whole mind, and with my whole strength, and at the same time from all the inmost marrow of my heart and of all the joints of my flesh, blessed sweetness, Lord my God, of all who delight in you. But your eyes have seen my imperfection (Psal.

Your eyes, I say, are far brighter than the sun, surveying all the ways of men and the depth of the abyss, you who in every place always contemplate the good and the evil. For since you preside over all things, filling each one, wholly present everywhere at all times, and taking care of all things you have created, because you hate nothing of what you have made, so you consider my steps and paths, and day and night you keep watch over my keeping, diligently marking all my paths, a perpetual watchman—as if, forgetful of your whole creation, heaven and earth, you considered me alone, and had no care for others. For the unchanging light of your vision does not grow if you look upon only one, nor is it diminished if you see countless and diverse things; because just as you consider one thing wholly and at once, so each several thing, however diverse, your sight beholds perfectly, all at once and wholly, as a whole. But all things as one and as one all things, so you consider each single thing wholly, at once, without division, change, or diminution. Therefore you, wholly in the whole of time without time, consider the whole of me at once and always, as if you had nothing else to consider. Thus, then, you stand over my keeping as if you had forgotten all things and wished to attend to me alone. For you always present yourself everywhere present, always offer yourself ready, if you find me ready. Wherever I go, you, Lord, do not forsake me, unless I first forsake you.

Wherever I shall be, you do not withdraw, because you are everywhere; so that wherever I go, I may find you, through whom I can exist lest I perish without you, since I cannot exist without you. I confess indeed that whatever I do, whatever things I do, I do before you: and that whatever it is that I do, you see better than I who do it. For whatever I am always doing, you are always present alongside, as it were the perpetual inspector of all my thoughts, intentions, delights, and operations. Lord, all my desire is always before you, all my thought is before you. You see whence the spirit comes, where it is, and where it goes; because you are the weigher of all spirits. And whether the root from which fair leaves are put forth outwardly is sweet or bitter, you, the inner judge, know better than I myself, and you search out even the marrow of the roots more subtly: and not only the intention, but also the inmost marrow of its root you gather, behold, and mark with the most discerning truth of your light: so that you may render to each one not only according to his works or intention, but also according to the very hidden inner marrow of the root, from which the intention of the one working proceeds.

To what end do I strive when I work, whatever I think, and in whatever I take delight—you see, your ears hear, your eyes consider, you mark attentively, you note and write in your book, whether it has been good or evil: so that afterward you may render rewards for good and punishments for evil, when the books are opened and we are judged according to these things which were written in your books (Rev. 20:12). This is perhaps what you have already said to us: I will consider their last things (Deut. 32:20); and what is said of you, Lord: He himself considers the end of all things (Job 28:3): since you indeed in all things that we do attend to the end of the intention rather than the act of the operation. And when I consider these things diligently, Lord my God, terrible and strong, I am confounded with fear alike and with immense shame: because a great necessity of living justly and rightly has been implanted in us, to which we do all things before the eyes of the judge who sees all things.

CHAPTER XV. That man can do nothing by himself. That he has nothing in which to glory. Who merits the riches of grace. What man is by himself. It is by grace that we do not fall into sins. Most mighty, great in power, God of the spirits of all flesh, whose eyes are upon all the ways of the children of Adam, from the day of their birth until the day of their departure, that you may render to each according to his works, good or evil; show me, that I may confess to you, my poverty: for I said that I was rich and needed nothing, and I did not know that I was poor, blind, naked, wretched and miserable. I believed that I was something when I was nothing. I said, I will become wise; and I became a fool. I thought that I was chaste; but I was deceived. And I see now that it is your gift, without which we can do nothing; because unless you, Lord, guard the city, he who guards it watches in vain. Thus you taught me, that I might know myself: because you abandoned me and tested me; not for your sake, that you might know me, but for my sake, that I might know myself. For, as I said, Lord, I believed that I was something of myself; I thought that I was sufficient by myself, and I did not perceive that you were governing me, until you withdrew a little from me, and I immediately fell into myself: and I saw and knew that you were governing me; and that I fell was from me, and that I rose was from you.

You have opened my eyes, O Light, and you have awakened and enlightened me; and I saw that the life of man upon earth is a trial, and that no flesh can glory before you, nor is any living being justified; for whatever good there is, small or great, is your gift, and ours is nothing but evil. From what, then, shall all flesh glory? Shall it be from evil? That is not glory but misery. But shall it glory from good? Shall it glory from what is another's? The good, O Lord, is yours; the glory is yours. For whoever seeks glory for himself from your good, and does not seek it for you, is a thief and a robber, and is like the devil, who wished to steal your glory. Whoever wishes to be praised for your gift, and does not seek your glory in it but his own—though he may be praised by men because of your gift, yet he is blamed by you, because from your gift he sought not your glory but his own. But whoever is praised by men while you blame him is not defended by men when you judge him, nor will he be delivered when you condemn him. But you, O Lord, my maker from my mother's womb, do not let me fall into that reproach, that it be cast up to me that I wished to steal your glory. To you be glory, to whom belongs every good; but to us, confusion of face and misery, to whom belongs every evil, unless you will to have mercy.

For you have mercy, Lord, you have mercy on all things that you have made, and you hate nothing of the things you have made, and you give us from your good things, and you enrich us, who are needy, with your best gifts: for you love the poor, and you make them rich with your riches. Behold now, Lord, we are your poor sons, and your little flock: open your doors to us, and the poor shall eat and be saved, and those who seek you shall praise you. I know also, Lord, and I confess, with you as my teacher, that those alone who know themselves to be poor, and confess their poverty to you, shall be enriched by you: for those who think themselves rich when they are poor are found shut out from your riches. And I therefore confess to you, Lord my God, my poverty: and let your glory be wholly yours, for every good thing is yours. For through myself, Lord, I confess, as you have taught me, I am nothing other than all vanity and the shadow of death, and a certain dark abyss, and a land empty and void, which without your blessing brings forth nothing, and bears no fruit except confusion, sin, and death. If ever I had any good, I received it from you; whatever good I have, I have as yours. If ever I stood, I stood through you, but when I fell, I fell through myself. I would always have lain in the mud, unless you had raised me up: I would always have been blind, unless you had enlightened me. When I fell, I would never have risen, unless you had reached out your hand to me.

After you raised me up, I would always have fallen, unless you had sustained me; I would more often have perished, unless you had guided me.

Thus always, Lord, thus always your grace and mercy go before me, freeing me from all evils, saving me from past evils, raising me from present ones, and guarding me from future ones, cutting off even before me the snares of sins, removing occasions and causes; because unless you had done this for me, I would have committed every sin of the world: since I know, Lord, that there is no sin that any man has ever committed which another man could not commit, if the Creator who made man were absent. But what I would not do, you brought about; what I would abstain from, you commanded; and that I might believe in you, you poured in grace. For you, Lord, were ruling me for yourself, keeping me for yourself and for me, so that I might not commit adultery and every other sin.

CHAPTER XVI. Concerning the devil and his temptations. The devil's snares everywhere. The tempter was absent; and that he might be absent, you brought it about. Place and time were absent; and that these might be absent, you brought it about. The tempter was present, place was not absent, time was not absent; but that I might not consent, you held me. The dark tempter came, as he is; and that I might despise him, you strengthened me. The strong armed tempter came; and that he might not overcome me, you restrained him, and you strengthened me. The tempter came transfigured into an angel of light; and that he might not deceive me, you rebuked him, and that I might recognize him, you enlightened me.

For he himself, Lord, is that great red dragon, the ancient serpent, called the devil and Satan, having seven heads and ten horns (Rev. 12:3), whom you created to mock this great and spacious sea with its hands, in which are reptiles without number, and small and great beasts (Ps. 103:26); that is, the various kinds of demons, which do nothing else day and night but go about seeking whom they may devour, unless you deliver us. For he himself is that ancient dragon, who arose in the paradise of pleasure, who with his tail drags the third part of the stars of heaven and casts them to the earth (Rev. 12:4), who corrupts the waters of the earth with his venom, so that the men who drink die, who spreads out gold for himself like mud (Job 41:21), and has confidence that the Jordan will flow into his mouth (Job 40:18), who was made so that he fears nothing. And who will guard against his bites, who will snatch from his mouth, unless you, Lord, who have broken the heads of the great dragon? Spread, Lord, your wings over us, that we may flee beneath them from the face of this dragon who pursues us, and with your shield deliver us from his horns. For this is his continual effort, this his sole desire: to devour the souls whom you created.

Therefore we cry out to you; free us from our daily adversary, who, whether we sleep or wake, whether we eat or drink, or whatever work we do, presses upon us in every way day and night, by frauds and arts, now openly, now secretly, aiming poisoned arrows against us, to kill our souls. And yet, Lord, our most wretched madness: that although we continually see the dragon with open mouth ready to devour us, we nonetheless sleep and grow wanton in our slothfulness, as though secure before him, who desires nothing else than to destroy us. The enemy, to kill, always watches without sleep; and we, to guard ourselves, do not wish to awake from sleep. Behold, he has stretched out infinite snares before our feet, and has filled all our ways with deceits to capture our souls. And who shall escape? He has set snares in riches, snares in poverty, snares he has stretched out in food, in drink, in pleasure, in sleep, in vigils; he has set snares in word and in deed, and in our every way. But you, Lord, free us from the snare of the hunters, and from the harsh word (Ps. 90:5): that we may confess to you, saying, Blessed is the Lord, who has not given us as a prey to their teeth. Our soul has been delivered as a sparrow from the snare of the hunters: the snare is broken, and we are delivered (Ps. 123:6, 7).

CHAPTER XVII. Of the light of God, necessary for avoiding these things. The devil's cunning. And indeed, Lord, my light, open my eyes, that I may see the light and walk in your light, and not stumble into his snares. For who will escape these many snares, unless he sees them? And who will see them, unless you have enlightened him with your light? For the father of darkness himself hides his snare in his own darknesses, so that all who are in his darknesses may be caught in them, who are sons of these darknesses, not seeing your light, in which he who walks will not fear. For he who walks in the day does not stumble; but he who walks in the night stumbles, because the light is not in him (John 11 and 10). You are the light, Lord, you are the light of the sons of light, you are the day that knows no setting, in which your sons walk without stumbling, and without which all who walk are in darkness, because they do not have you, the light of the world. Behold, we see daily that the more anyone is removed from you, the true light, the more he is wrapped in the darknesses of sins; and the more he is in darkness, the less he sees the snares in his way; and therefore the less he knows, and for that reason the more often he is caught and falls into them; and, what is more horrible, he does not even know that he has fallen. But he who does not know his fall cares the less to rise, the more he thinks he is still standing. But you, light of the mind, Lord my God, now enlighten my eyes, that I may see and know, lest I fall in the sight of my adversaries.

For our enemy labors for our destruction, whom we ask you to make melt away from before our face, as wax melts before the fire (Ps. LXVII, 5). For, Lord, he is the first and last thief, who formed a plan to seize your glory, when, puffed up and exalted, he burst and fell into his own pit, and you cast him out from your holy mountain and from the midst of the fiery stones, in whose midst he walked. And now, my life, my God, since he fell he does not cease to pursue your sons. And in hatred of you, O great king, he desires to destroy this your creature, which your almighty goodness created in your image, so that he may not possess your glory, which he himself lost through his pride. But crush him, our strong one, before us your lambs; and enlighten us that we may see the snares which he has prepared, and escape to you, the joy of Israel.

And all these things you, Lord, know better, who know his contention and his most stubborn neck. Nor do I say this to show it to you, who see all things, and no thought lies hidden from you. But before the feet of your majesty I make complaint against my enemy, eternal judge, that you may condemn him and save us your sons, whose strength you are. Cunning is this enemy, Lord, and crooked; nor can the circuits of his way be easily detected, nor the appearance of his face be known, unless you give light.

For now here, now there; now as a lamb, now as a wolf; now showing himself as darkness, now as light; but in each and every quality, place, and time, according to the various changes of things, he presents various temptations. For in order to deceive the sorrowful, he himself is sorrowful; to mock the joyful, he feigns that he himself also rejoices; to defraud the spiritual, he transforms himself into an angel of light; to crush the strong, he appears as a lamb; to devour the gentle, he appears as a wolf. All these things are indeed brought about according to the likeness of vain temptations, so that some are tempted by the terror of the night, others by the arrow that flies by day, others by the business that walks in darkness, others by invasion, others by the noonday demon (Ps. XC, 5-6). And who is sufficient to know these things? Who will reveal the appearance of his garment, and who has known the circuit of his teeth? Behold, he hides his arrows in the quiver, and he hides snares even under the appearance of light, and this is the more difficult to perceive unless we take up light from you, Lord our hope, so that we may see. For not only in the works of the flesh, which are easily recognized, not only in the vices themselves, but also in the spiritual exercises themselves he hides subtle snares; and under the color of virtues he clothes himself with the very vices, and transforms himself into an angel of light. These things and many others this son of Belial, this Satan, our Lord God, strives against us.

And now as a lion, now as a dragon, openly and secretly, within and without, by day and by night he lies in wait to seize our souls. And do you snatch us away, Lord, who save those who hope in you: that he himself may grieve over us, and you may be praised in us, Lord our God.

CHAPTER XVIII. The evils of ingratitude. A description of God's benefits. Thanksgiving for the same. We are bound always to love God, and are not able unless he grants it. But I, the son of your handmaid, who commended me to your hand, now confess to you with these poor little confessions of mine, my deliverer, with my whole heart; and I will recall to my mind the good things which you have done for me from my youth, in all my life. For I know that ingratitude displeases you, which is the root of all spiritual evil, and a kind of wind drying up and burning away every good, blocking the fountain of divine mercy over man: by which both dead evils now arise, and living works now die, and further do not attain. And I, a man, will give thanks to you, lest I be ungrateful to you, my deliverer, since you have delivered me. How often has that dragon already swallowed me, and you, Lord, have drawn me out of his mouth? When, or how often, have I sinned, and he was ready to devour me; but you defended me? When I was acting wickedly against you, when I was breaking your commandments, he stood ready to snatch me to hell; but you forbade it. I was offending you, and you were defending me; I was not fearing you, and you were guarding me.

I was withdrawing from you, and I was exposing myself to that enemy; you were holding him back, lest he receive me. These benefits you, my God, were conferring on me, and I did not recognize them. Thus many times you delivered me from the jaws of the devil, snatched me from the mouth of the lion, and many times, though I did not know it, brought me back from hell. For I descended even to the gates of hell, and you held me lest I enter there; I drew near even to the gates of death, and you acted lest it seize me. You have also very often delivered me from the death of the body, my Savior, when grave illnesses held me, when I was in many dangers, by sea, by lands; freeing me from fire and sword and from every danger, always standing by me, and mercifully saving me. You knew indeed, Lord, that if death had then overtaken me, hell would have received my soul, and I would have been damned forever: but your mercy and your grace came before me, delivering me from the death of the body and from the death of the soul, Lord my God. These and many other benefits of yours you have shown to me, and I was blind, and I did not know, until you enlightened me,

Now therefore, light of my soul, Lord my God, my life by which I live, the light of my eyes by which I see—behold, you have enlightened me, and I know you, because I live through you, and I give thanks to you, though I offer such things as are worthless and feeble and unequal to your benefits, such as my frailty has. For you alone are my God, my kind Creator, who loves souls and hates nothing of what you have made (Wis. 11:25). Behold, I, the foremost among the sinners whom you have saved, so that I may give an example to others of your most kind mercy, confess your great benefits, because you snatched me from hell once and twice and three times and a hundred times and a thousand times, and I was always heading toward hell, and you were always leading me back; and when you would justly have condemned me a thousand times, had you wished, you did not wish it, because you love souls, and you overlook my sins because of repentance, Lord my God, for there are many mercies in all your ways. Now therefore I see these things, Lord my God, and I know them through your light, and my soul faints at your great mercy upon me; because you snatched my soul from the lowest hell, and you brought me back to life. I was safe in death; you raised me up entirely; and therefore let what I live be wholly yours. Entirely I offer my whole self to you: let my whole spirit, my whole heart, my whole body, my whole life live for you, my life; because you freed me wholly, so that you might possess me wholly; you remade me wholly, so that you might have me back wholly.

Therefore I will love you, Lord my strength; I will love you, my ineffable exultation; and now let my whole life live no longer for myself but for you—the life that had perished in wretched misery, and has been raised again in your mercy, you who are a merciful and compassionate God, and abounding in mercy toward the thousands who love your name. For this reason, Lord my God, my sanctifier, you have commanded me by your law to love you with my whole heart, my whole soul, my whole mind, my whole strength, and with all my powers, and even from the inmost marrow of my heart, at every hour and moment in which I enjoy the good things of your mercy; since I would always perish unless you always ruled me; I would always die unless you always gave me life, and bound me to yourself at every moment, while at every moment you bestow such great benefits upon me. Just as, therefore, there is no hour or instant in my whole life in which I do not enjoy your benefit, so there ought to be no moment in which I do not hold you before my eyes in my memory, and do not love you with all my strength. But I am not able to do even this unless you grant it to me, to whom belongs every good gift and every perfect gift, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no change, nor shadow of turning. For it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of you who show mercy, that we love you. This gift is yours, Lord, to whom belongs every good thing. You command that you be loved; give what you command, and command what you will.

CHAPTER XIX. The burning desire of love. A recapitulation of God's benefits. I love you, God of fire, and I desire always to love you more, because you are truly sweeter than all honey, more nourishing than all milk, and brighter than all light. Therefore you are dearer to me than all gold and silver and precious stone. For whatever I did in the world displeased me in comparison with your sweetness and the beauty of your house, which I have loved. O fire that always burns and is never extinguished, O love that always glows and never grows lukewarm, charity, my God, kindle me. Kindle, I say, all of me, that I may love only you with my whole being. For he loves you less who loves something along with you that he does not love for your sake. I will love you, Lord, because you first loved me (1 John 4:10). And whence have I the words to set forth the signs of your love, especially toward me, on account of your innumerable benefits, by which from the beginning you have raised me up? After the benefit of creation, surely, when in the beginning you created me from nothing to your image, honoring and exalting me among those creatures which you made, and ennobling me with the light of your countenance, with which you marked the threshold of my heart, by which you distinguished me equally from insensible and from brute sensible creatures, and made me a little lower than the angels (Psalm 8:6).

Was this a small thing in the sight of your goodness, that you fed me without ceasing with the daily, singular, and greatest gifts of your benefits, and like a tiny, tender son you nursed me at the breasts of your consolation and strengthened me? For so that I might serve you wholly, you delivered everything whatsoever you made into my service.

CHAPTER XX. That all things serve man so that man may serve the Creator. You subjected all things under the feet of men (Ps. 8:8), so that man alone might be wholly subjected to you; and so that the whole man might be yours, man has been set over all your works. For indeed you created all exterior things for the body, the body itself for the soul, and the soul for you, so that it might be free for you alone and love you alone, possessing you for its consolation, and all lower things for its service. For whatever is contained within the circuit of heaven is lower than the human soul, which was made to possess the highest good above it, by whose possession it would become blessed; and if it clings to that good, surpassing the necessities of all lower mutabilities, it will rejoice in the eternity of immortality with serenity, in that highest majesty whose likeness it emulates. Then truly it will enjoy those best goods in the house of the Lord, in comparison with which all things we see here are reckoned as nothing. Those are the things which eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have they ascended into the heart of man, which God has prepared for those who love him (Isa. 64:4; 1 Cor. 2:9).

And this, indeed, Lord, you will give to the soul. With these things too you daily gladden the souls of your servants, you who love souls. Why do I marvel at these things, Lord my God? For you honor your image, and your likeness, to which alone they were created. For to our body also, though still corruptible and lowly, you gave the brightness of heaven through the hand of your tireless ministers, the sun and the moon, so that it might see—they who by your command continually serve your lilies day and night; so that it might breathe, you bestowed the purity of air; so that it might hear, the varieties of sounds; so that it might smell, the sweetnesses of odors; so that it might taste, the qualities of flavors; so that it might touch, you gave the grossness of all bodily things. For its necessities you gave beasts of burden as aids; birds of the sky as well and fish of the sea, and the fruits of the earth you supplied to refresh it. You created medicines from the earth for each of its corruptions; you prepared individual consolations meeting individual needs; for you are merciful and compassionate, and you know our frame, our potter, and we are all like clay in your hand.

CHAPTER XXI. From temporal goods the greatness of heavenly things is gathered. Behold, your great mercy is opened to me; enlighten me, I pray, more and more with your light, that it may be opened to me more fully. From these least of your great things, and from these visible things, we comprehend your invisible things, Lord God, holy and good creator of ours. For if, my Lord, for this ignoble and corruptible body you bestow such great and innumerable benefits from heaven and from the air, from earth and sea, light and darkness, heat and shade, dew and rain, winds and showers, birds and fishes, beasts and trees, and the multitude of herbs and sprouts of the earth, and by the ministry of all your creatures serving us in succession in their own seasons, that you may relieve weariness; what, I pray, and how great and innumerable will those good things be which you have prepared for those who love you, in that heavenly fatherland, where we shall see you face to face? If you do such great things for us in prison, what will you do in palaces? Great and innumerable are your works, Lord, king of the heavens. Since all these things are very good and delightful, which you have given in common to the good and the wicked alike; what will those things be like which you have stored up for the good alone? If your gifts are so innumerable and varied, which you now bestow alike on friends and enemies; how great and innumerable, how sweet and delightful, are those which you will lavish on your friends alone? If there is such great consolation in this day of tears; how much will you confer on the day of the wedding?

If the prison of this world contains such delightful things, how great, I ask, must the fatherland contain? Eye has not seen, O God, the things you have prepared for those who love you (Isa. 64). For according to the great multitude of your magnificence, so also is the great multitude of your sweetness, which you have hidden for those who fear you (Ps. 30; Ps. 30:20). For you are great, O Lord my God, and immense, and there is no end to your greatness (Ps. 144), nor is there a number to your wisdom, nor a measure to your kindness, nor an end, number, or measure to your recompense; but as you are great, so also are your gifts great, since you yourself are the prize and the gift of all your lawful soldiers.

CHAPTER XXII. Eternal consolation is not to be hoped for with the present one. The sweetness of God soothes the bitterness of the world. These are your great benefits, O Lord God, sanctifier of your saints, with which you will fill the need of your hungry sons; for you have become the hope of the desperate, the consolation of the desolate: you are the crown of hope, which is adorned with glory, prepared for the victorious; you are the eternal satiety of the hungry, to be given to those who hunger; you are the everlasting consolation, who give yourself to those alone who despise the consolation of this world in exchange for your consolation. For those who are consoled here are held unworthy of your consolation. But those who are tormented here are consoled by you: and those who share in sufferings also share in consolations.

For no one can be comforted in both worlds, nor can anyone rejoice here and in the future; but it is necessary that he lose the one, since he has wished to possess the other. When I consider these things, O Lord my comforter, I refuse to be comforted in my soul, so that it may be deemed worthy of your eternal consolations; because it is just that whoever chooses to be comforted more in anything else than in you should lose you. And I beseech you, O highest Truth, by yourself, not through yourself, do not permit me to be comforted in any vain consolation other than in you; but I ask that all things become bitter to me, so that you alone may appear sweet to my soul, you who are sweetness beyond estimation, through which all bitter things are made sweet; for your sweetness made the stones of the torrent sweet to Stephen (Acts 7:58); your sweetness made the gridiron sweet to Lawrence. For your sweetness the Apostles went rejoicing from the presence of the council, because they were deemed worthy to suffer insult for the name of Jesus (ibid. 5:41); Andrew went secure and rejoicing to the cross, because he was hastening to your sweetness; this sweetness of yours so filled the very leaders of the Apostles that for it one chose the gibbet of the cross, and the other did not fear to submit his head to the striking sword; for the sake of tasting this, Bartholomew gave his own skin; for the sake of tasting this, John also fearlessly drank the cup of poison. When Peter tasted this, forgetful of all things below, he cried out as if drunk, saying, Lord, it is good for us to be here; let us make here three tabernacles (Matt.

Here let us remain, let us contemplate you, because we need nothing else; it is enough for us, Lord, to see you; it is enough, he says, to be satisfied with such great sweetness. For he tasted one drop of sweetness and grew to loathe every other sweetness; what do you think he would have said if he had tasted that great abundance of the sweetness of your divinity, which you have hidden for those who love you? That ineffable sweetness of yours had also been tasted by that virgin of whom we read that she went to prison most joyfully and gloriously, as though invited to a banquet. This, I believe, he too had tasted, who said, How great is the abundance of your sweetness, O Lord, which you have hidden for those who fear you! And who admonished, Taste and see that the Lord is sweet. This is that blessedness, O Lord our God, which we expect you to give us; for this we continually fight for you, O Lord; for this we are put to death all day long, so that we may live in your life.

CHAPTER XXIII. Aspiration to the enjoyment of God. It is obtained only by the gift of God. But you, the expectation of Israel, Lord, the desire for which our heart sighs daily, hasten, do not delay. Rise, make haste and come, that you may lead us out of this prison to confess your name, that we may glory in your light. Open your ears to the cries of the tears of your little ones, who cry out to you: Our Father, give us today our daily bread, in whose strength we may walk day and night, until we come to your mountain Horeb. And I, a little one among the little ones of your household, God my Father and my strength, when shall I come and appear before your face, so that I who now confess to you for a time may then confess to you forever? Blessed shall I be if I am admitted to see your glory. Who will grant me this, that you permit me to come to it? I know, Lord, I know and confess that I am unworthy to enter under your roof; but do it for the sake of your honor, and do not put to shame your servant who hopes in you. And who will enter into your sanctuary to contemplate your powers, unless you open it? But who will open it, if you have closed it? For if you have destroyed, there is no one who may build; and if you have shut a man in, there is no one who may open. If you hold back the waters, all things will dry up; and if you send them forth, they will overturn the earth. If you bring all things whatsoever you have made to nothing, who will contradict you?

Furthermore, the eternal goodness of your mercy, by which you willed and made all things whatsoever you willed. You made us, framer of the world; rule us; you created us, do not despise us, because we are your works. And indeed, Lord our God, we, mud and little worms, cannot enter into your eternities unless you lead us in, you who created all things from nothing.

CHAPTER XXIV. That we can do nothing without God's grace. But I, the work of your hands, confess to you in your fear, for I will not hope in my bow, and my sword will not save me (Ps. XLIII, 7), but your right hand and your arm and the light of your countenance. Otherwise I would despair, were it not that you are my hope, you who created me, and you will not forsake me, since you do not forsake those who hope in you. For you, Lord our God, are sweet and gentle, patient and ordering all things in mercy (Wis. XI, 21). And we, if we have sinned, are yours; and if we have not sinned, we know that we are counted with you. We are all a leaf, and every living man is vanity (Ps. XXXVIII), and our life on earth is a wind (Job VII, 7): do not be angry if we fall, your little orphans, for you know our frame (Ps. CII, 14), Lord our God. Surely, God of inestimable strength, do you wish to show your power against a leaf that is carried off by the wind, and to pursue dry stubble (Job XIII, 25)? Will you condemn, eternal king of Israel, will you condemn a single flea (1 Kings XXIV, 15)?

We have heard of your mercy, Lord, that you do not make death, nor do you rejoice in the perdition of those who die. For your sake we beseech you: do not permit that which you did not make to rule over this creature of yours, which you did make. If you grieve over perdition, what prevents you, Lord, who can do all things, from always rejoicing in our salvation? If you will, you can save me; but I, even if I will, cannot—so great is the multitude of my miseries with me. For to will is present with me, but to accomplish I do not find. Moreover, I cannot will what is good unless you will it; nor can I do what I will unless your power strengthen me; and what I can do, sometimes I do not will, unless your will be done as in heaven and on earth; and what I will and can do, I do not know, unless your wisdom enlighten me. And even if I know it, sometimes unwilling, sometimes unable, my wisdom passes away imperfect and empty, unless it be aided by your true wisdom. But in your will all things are placed, and there is no one who can resist your will, Lord of all things, who hold the principality of all flesh; and whatever you will, you do in heaven and on earth, in the sea and in all the deeps. Therefore let your will be done in us, upon whom your name is invoked; let not this noble workmanship of yours perish, which you created for your honor.

And who is the man born of woman, who lives and does not see death, and snatches his soul from the hand of hell, unless you alone snatch it, vital life of all life, through whom all things live?

CHAPTER XXV. That human will without grace is ineffective for good works. For, as I have already confessed to you, praise of my life, my God, strength of my salvation, I once hoped in my own strength, which was not strength. And when I thus wished to run, where I believed I stood most firmly, there I fell most greatly; and I was made to go backward rather than forward; and what I believed I would attain, it withdrew farther from me. Thus, testing my powers through many similar things, I now know, because you have enlightened me, that where I most believed I could do things by myself, there I always went forward less. For I used to say, "This I will do, that I will accomplish"; and afterward neither this nor that came to be. The will was present, but the ability was not. The ability was present, but the will was not; because I was trusting in my own strength. But now I confess to you, Lord God, Father of heaven and earth, that man will not be strengthened in his own might, so that all the foolish presumption of flesh may not glory before you. Nor is it man's to will what he can, or to be able what he wills, or to know what he wills and can; but rather the steps of man are directed by you—of those, I say, who confess that they are directed not by themselves but by you.

We therefore beseech the depths of your mercy: be willing, Lord, to save what you have created, for if you are willing, you can save us; and in your will lies the power of our salvation.

CHAPTER XXVI. The benefits of God already bestowed lift up hope. Remember your ancient mercy, by which from the beginning you came before us in the blessings of your sweetness. For before I, the son of your handmaid, was born, O Lord, my hope from my mother's breasts (Ps. xxi, 10), you came before me, preparing for me the paths by which I might walk and come to the glory of your house. Before you formed me in the womb, you knew me; and before I came forth from the womb, whatever pleased you concerning me you foreordained. What and of what kind are the things written concerning me in your book, in the secret of your council, I indeed do not know, and therefore I greatly fear; but you know them; for what I, through the successions of days and times, await from here even to a thousand years of this temporal existence, in the sight of your eternity is already done; and what is to come is already done. But I, standing in this dark night and ignorant of these things, fear and trembling have come upon me, while I see many dangers threatening me on every side, and that I am hunted by many enemies, and surrounded by a multitude of countless miseries in this life. And unless your help be at hand for me in these so great evils, I would despair.

But I have great hope in you, most gentle prince, my God; and the consideration of the multitude of your mercies which are with you lifts up my mind; and the preceding signs of your mercy, which went before me before I was born and have now shone forth especially in me, give me hope concerning the better and more perfect future gifts of your goodness which you reserve for your friends, so that my hope may rejoice in you, Lord my God, with a holy and living joy, you who always make my youth glad. For you loved me, my only love, before I loved you, and you created me in your image, and you set me over all your creatures: this dignity indeed I then serve when I know you, because of which you made me.

CHAPTER XXVII. How much God provides for man through guardian angels. Whence God's delight with man. Moreover, you make your angels spirits for my sake, to whom you have commanded that they guard me in all my ways, lest perhaps I strike my foot against a stone (Ps. 90). These are the watchmen upon your walls of the new Jerusalem (Isa. 62:6), and the mountains round about it, watching and keeping the night watches over your flock (Luke 2:8), lest at any time our souls be seized as by a lion, while there is none to redeem them—that ancient adversary of ours, who like a roaring lion always goes about seeking whom he may devour (1 Pet. 5:8). These are the citizens of the blessed city of the heavenly Jerusalem, which is above and is our mother (Gal.

sent as ministers for the sake of those who are to obtain the inheritance of salvation; to deliver them from their enemies and to guard them in all their ways; to strengthen them also and admonish them, and to offer the prayers of your children in the sight of the glory of your majesty. For they love their fellow citizens, through whom they expect the breaches of their own ruin to be repaired; and therefore with great care and vigilant zeal they are present to us at all hours and in all places, assisting us and providing for our necessities, and, anxious, running to and fro between us and you, O Lord, carrying our groans and sighs to you, that they may obtain for us the propitiation of your kindness, and bring back to us the desired blessing of your grace. They walk with us in all our ways, they go in and out with us, attentively considering how piously and how honorably we conduct ourselves in the midst of a wicked nation, and with what zeal and desire we seek your kingdom and its righteousness, and with what fear and trembling we serve and rejoice in you, in the joy of our heart. They help those who labor, protect those who rest, encourage those who fight, crown those who conquer; they rejoice with those who rejoice—with those, I say, who rejoice in you; they suffer with those who suffer—with those, I say, who suffer for you. Great is their care for us, great the affection of their love toward us; and all this for the honor of your inestimable charity, with which you have loved us.

For they love those whom you love; they guard those whom you guard; and they forsake those whom you forsake. Nor do they love those who work iniquity, since you also hate all who work iniquity, and you will destroy all who speak falsehood (Ps. 5:7). As often as we act well, the angels rejoice and the demons are saddened; but as often as we turn aside from the good, we gladden the devil and defraud the angels of their joy: for there is joy among them over one sinner who repents (Luke 15:7), but for the devil over one righteous man who abandons repentance. Grant therefore, grant, Father, that they may always rejoice over us, so that you also may always be praised through them in us, and that we may be led together with them into your one fold; so that together we may confess to your holy name, creator of men and angels. Recalling these things before you, I confess, praising you, because these are your great benefits with which you have honored us, giving us your angels as spirits for our ministry. For you had given whatever is contained within the circuit of heaven; and these things which are under heaven would be, as it were, small, unless you had also added those things which are above the heavens. Let all your angels praise you for this, let all your works confess to you for this, and let your holy ones themselves bless you, our honor, whom, honoring exceedingly and enriching, you have adorned with many gifts! Admirable is your name, Lord, in all the earth (Ps. 8:2). For what is man, that you magnify him, and honor him, and set your heart toward him (Job 7:17)?

CHAPTER XXVIII. On the mystery of God's predestination and foreknowledge. For you have said, O ancient Truth, my Delight, that your delights are with the children of men (Prov. 8:31). Is not man rottenness, and the son of man a worm (Job 25:6)? Is not every living man altogether vanity (Ps. 38:6)? And do you deem it worthy to open your eyes upon such a one as this, and to bring him with you into judgment? Teach me, O most profound abyss, O creative Wisdom. You who weighed the mountains in weight, and the hills in a balance, and who weighed the mass of the earth with three fingers, lift up to yourself the mass of this corporeality which I bear, by your three invisible fingers, that I may see and know how wonderful you are in all the earth. O most ancient Light, who shone before all light upon the holy mountains of ancient eternity, to whom all things were naked and open (Heb. 4:13) before they were made; O Light, who hate every stain, as being most pure and most immaculate, what delight have you with man? What fellowship has light with darkness (2 Cor. 6:14)? Where then are your delights in man? Where have you prepared for yourself in me a sanctuary worthy of your majesty, into which entering you may have the delights of your love? For a clean upper room befits you, O cleansing Power, who can be seen only by clean hearts (Matt. 5:8), and much more cannot be possessed by them. But in man, where is a temple already clean, that it may receive you, who rule the world? Who can make clean one conceived from unclean seed?

Are you not the only one who is clean (Job 14:4)? For who can be cleansed by an unclean thing (Ecclus. 34:4)? For even according to the law which you gave to our fathers on the mountain burning with fire, and in the cloud covering the dark water, whatever an unclean person has touched shall be unclean (Num. 19:22). But all of us are like a menstruous cloth (Isa. 64:6), coming from a corrupt and unclean mass, and we carry on our foreheads the stain of our uncleanness, which we cannot hide even from you who see all things; therefore we cannot be clean unless you cleanse us, who alone are clean. But you cleanse from us, the children of men, those in whom it has pleased you to dwell; those whom, from the inaccessible depths of the secret judgments of your incomprehensible wisdom, always just though hidden, you predestined before the world without their merits, you called out of the world, you justified though unclean, and you glorify them after the world. But you do not do this for all, which all the wise of the earth marvel at and waste away over. And I, Lord, considering this, am afraid and am astonished at the height of the riches of your wisdom and knowledge, which I cannot attain, and at the incomprehensible judgments of your justice (Rom. 11:33): since from the same clay you make some vessels indeed for honor, and others for everlasting dishonor (Rom. 9:21).

Those, therefore, whom you have chosen for yourself out of the many for your temple, you cleanse, pouring clean water over them, whose names and number you know, you who alone number the multitude of the stars and call them all by name (Ps. 146:4); who are also written in the book of life, who can in no way perish, to whom all things work together for good, even sins themselves. For when they fall, they are not crushed, because you place your hand beneath them (Ps. 36:24), guarding all their bones, so that not one of them is broken. Yet the death of sinners is the worst (Ps. 33:22); of those, I say, whom before you made heaven and earth, according to the great abyss of your hidden judgments, always just, you foreknew unto eternal death; whose reckoning of names and wicked merits is with you, who have numbered the number of the sand of the sea and measured the depth of the abyss, whom you have left in their uncleannesses, to whom all things work together for evil, and even prayer itself is turned into sin; so that even if they have ascended as far as the heavens, and their head has touched the clouds, and they have placed their nest among the stars of heaven, they perish in the end like a dung heap (Obad. 4).

CHAPTER XXIX. On the depth of God's judgments. Great are these your judgments, Lord God, just and mighty judge, who judge equity and things unsearchable and deep; when I consider them, all my bones tremble, because no man living is secure upon the earth: that we may serve you piously and chastely all the days of our life in fear, and rejoice before you with trembling; that our service may not be without fear, nor our joy without trembling, and that the one girded may not glory equally with the ungirded, nor may all flesh glory before you, but let it quake and tremble at your face, since man does not know whether he is worthy of love or hatred; but all things are reserved for the future in uncertainty. For we have seen, Lord, and heard from our fathers (which indeed I do not recall without great trembling, nor confess without much fear), that many first ascended even to the heavens and placed their nest among the stars; but afterwards fell even to the depths, and their souls grew numb in evils. We have seen stars fall from heaven at the blow of the dragon's striking tail, and those who lay in the dust of the earth, at the face of your uplifting hand, Lord, wondrously ascend. We have seen the living dying, and the dead rising from death; and those who walked among the sons of God, in the midst of burning stones, flow away to nothing like mud.

We have seen the light grow dark, and light come forth from darkness, because tax collectors and prostitutes precede the inhabitants of the kingdom of heaven; but the children of the kingdom will be cast into outer darkness. Why then all these things, unless because they climbed that mountain which the first angel climbed and the devil descended from? But those whom you predestined, you also called, and sanctified, and cleansed, that they may be a worthy dwelling place of your majesty; with whom and in whom are your holy and pure delights, in whom you take delight, and you make their youth glad, dwelling with them in their midst, so that they themselves may be your holy temple, which is a great commendation of the dignity of our humanity.

CHAPTER XXI. Whence the human soul is, what it is, and wherein it is blessed. For the soul which you created, not from yourself, but through your Word; not from any matter of the elements, but from nothing; which indeed is rational, intellectual, spiritual, always living, always in motion, which you sealed with the light of your countenance, and consecrated with the power of your washing: thus it was made capable of your majesty, so that it can be filled by you alone, and by no other. But when it has you, its desire is full; and now nothing else remains that is to be desired outwardly. But while it desires something outwardly, it is manifest that it does not have you inwardly; for when you are had, there is nothing that is to be desired. For since you are the highest and every good, it has nothing more to desire, if it possesses every good.

But if it does not desire every good, it remains that it desires something which is not every good; therefore neither the highest good, therefore nor God, but rather a creature. But when it desires a creature, it has a continuous famine; because although it obtains what it desires from creatures, it nevertheless remains empty, because there is nothing that fills it except you, to whose image it was created. But you fill those who desire nothing else besides you; and you make them worthy of you, holy, blessed, immaculate, and friends of God; who reckon all things as dung, that they may gain you alone (Philipp. III, 8). This is the blessedness which you have conferred on man; this the honor by which you have honored him among all creatures, and even above all creatures, that your name may be wonderful in all the earth (Psal. VIII, 2),

CHAPTER XXXI Where God dwells. That God is not found through the senses. What we seek in seeking God. The testimony of creatures concerning God. How one ascends from man to the knowledge of God. God is known to himself alone. How far he becomes known to man. Behold, Lord my God, most high, most omnipotent, I have found the place where you dwell: because in the soul which you created to your image and likeness (Gen. I, 27), which seeks and desires you alone; because not in that which does not seek you nor desire you. I have wandered like a sheep that has perished, seeking you outwardly, who are within; and I have labored much seeking you outside myself, and you dwell in me, if only I desire you.

I have gone around the streets and squares of the city of this world seeking you, and I did not find you, because I was seeking badly outside what was within. I sent all my outward senses as messengers to seek you, and I did not find you, because I was seeking badly. For I see, my light, my God who enlightened me, that I was seeking you badly through them, because you are within, and yet they did not know by what way you entered. For the eyes say, If he was not colored, he did not enter through us; the ears say, If he made no sound, he did not pass through us; the nose says, If he did not smell, he did not come through me; the taste says, If he had no savor, he did not enter through me; touch also adds, If he is not bodily, do not ask me anything about this matter. These things are not in you, my God. For it is not bodily appearance, nor the beauty of time, nor the brightness of light or color, not the sweet melodies of songs and whatever sounds sweetly, not the odors of flowers and ointments or spices, not honey or manna delightful to the taste, not other things whatsoever lovely to touch or embrace, nor all other things subject to these senses, that I seek when I seek my God. Far be it that I should believe my God to be these things which are also comprehended by the senses of brute animals.

And yet when I seek my God, I seek nothing less than a certain light above every light, which the eye does not grasp; a certain voice above every voice, which the ear does not grasp; a certain fragrance above every fragrance, which the nostril does not grasp; a certain sweetness above every sweetness, which the taste does not savor; a certain embrace above every embrace, which the touch of my outer man does not reach. That light shines where no place contains it; that voice sounds where time does not snatch it away; that fragrance breathes where no breeze scatters it; that savor is tasted where there is no gluttony; that embrace is felt where it is not torn apart. There is my God, and no other will be reckoned beside him; this I seek when I seek my God, this I love when I love my God. Late have I loved you, beauty so ancient and so new; late have I loved you: and you were within, and I was outside; and there I was seeking you, and upon those beautiful things which you made, deformed, I was rushing in. You were with me, and I was not with you. Those things held me far from you which could not exist except in you. For I went about all things seeking you, and for the sake of all things forsaking myself.

I asked the earth whether it was my God, and it said to me that it was not; and all things that are in it confessed the same. I asked the sea and the deeps, and the creeping things that live in them; and they answered: We are not your God; seek him above us. I asked the blowing winds; and the whole air with all its inhabitants said: Anaximenes is mistaken; I am not your God. I asked the heaven, the sun, the moon, and the stars: Neither are we your God, they said. And I said to all those things that surround the doors of my flesh: You have told me concerning my God that you are not he; tell me something about him. And they all cried out with a great voice: He made us. Therefore I asked the mass of the world: Tell me if you are my God, or not: and it answered with a strong voice: I am not he, it said; but by him I am; he whom you seek in me, he himself made me; seek above me him who rules me, who made you also. The questioning of creatures is a deep consideration of them; their answer is their testimony concerning God, because all things cry out, God made us; because, as the Apostle says, The invisible things of God are seen, being understood by the things that are made, from the creation of the world (Rom. 1:20).

And I returned to myself, and I entered into myself, and I said to myself: Who are you? And I answered myself: A rational, mortal man. And I began to consider what this was, and I said: From where does this kind of animal come, my God? From where, unless from you? You made me, and I did not make myself. What are you? You are he through whom I live, you through whom all things live. What are you? You, Lord, true and only God, omnipotent and eternal, incomprehensible and immense, who always live and in whom nothing dies, immortal, dwelling in eternity, wonderful to the eyes of the angels, ineffable, unsearchable, and unnameable; one and true God, terrible and strong; knowing no beginning nor end, the beginning of all things and the end, who are before the first origins of the ages, and before all the origins of the ages. You are God and Lord of all things that you have created; and with you stand the causes of all stable things, and with you remain the unchanging origins of all mutable things, and the eternal reasons of all rational and irrational and temporal things live. Tell me, your suppliant servant, my God; tell me, merciful to your wretched one; tell me, I beseech you, through your mercies: from where does this kind of animal come, unless from you, God? Or will anyone be the maker of himself? Or does it draw its being and living from anywhere other than from you? Are you not the highest being, from whom is all being? For whatever is, is from you, because without you nothing is. Are you not the fountain of life, from which all life flows? For whatever lives, lives through you, because without you nothing lives.

You therefore, Lord, made all things. I ask, who made me? You, Lord, made me, or rather by whom was I made, since I am nothing? You are my maker, I am your work. I give thanks to you, Lord my God, through whom I live and through whom all things live, because you made me; I give thanks to you, my fashioner, because your hands made me and fashioned me (Job 10:8); I give thanks to you, my light, because you enlightened me here, and I found myself. Where I found myself, there I knew myself; where I found you, there I knew you; but where I knew you, there you enlightened me. I give thanks to you, my light, because you enlightened me.

What is it that I have said, I knew you? Are you not the incomprehensible and immense God, King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone have immortality and dwell in inaccessible light, whom no man has seen, nor can see (1 Tim 6:16)? Are you not the hidden God (Isa 45:15) and of unsearchable majesty, alone the greatest knower of yourself and wonderful contemplator? Who then has known what he has never seen? For your Truth has said, Man shall not see me and live (Exod 33:20); your herald also said through your Truth, No one has ever seen God (John 1:18). Who then has known what he has never seen? Your Truth has also said, No one knows the Son except the Father, nor does anyone know the Father except the Son (Matt 11:27). Your Trinity alone is fully known to itself alone, which surpasses all understanding.

What then is it that I said, man like to vanity, because I have known you? For who has known you, except you yourself? For you alone are called God almighty, superlaudable and superglorious and superexalted, and superhighest and superessential, in the most holy and most divine utterances; since you are recognized to be superessentially and superintelligibly above every intelligible or intellectual and sensible essence, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the age to come; since with superessential and hidden divinity, beyond all reason, intellect, and essence, you dwell inaccessibly and unsearchably in yourself, where there is inaccessible light and unsearchable and incomprehensible and ineffable light, which no light reaches, since it is uncontemplable and invisible and superrational and superintelligible and superinaccessible and superincommunicable, which no angel or man has ever seen, nor can see. This is your heaven, Lord, the heaven concealing the superarcanum, and the superintelligible and superrational and superessential light, of which it is said, The heaven of heavens is the Lord's.

The heaven of heavens, to which the whole earth is as heaven, because you are super-marvelously super-exalted above every heaven, to which even the empyrean heaven itself is as earth: this is the heaven of heavens belonging to the Lord, because to none but the Lord. To which no one ascends except he who descended from heaven, because no one knows the Father except the Son and their Spirit, and no one knows the Son except the Father and their Spirit (Matt. 11:27). To you alone, to you alone, Trinity, are you wholly known, holy Trinity, super-marvelous Trinity, and super-ineffable, and super-inscrutable, and super-inaccessible, and super-incomprehensible, and super-intelligible, and super-essential, super-essentially exceeding all sense, all reason, all intellect, all intelligence, all essence of the super-celestial minds: which it is possible neither to speak, nor to think, nor to understand, nor to know, even with the eyes of the angels. Whence, then, have I known you, Lord God, most high over all the earth, over all heaven, whom neither the Cherubim perfectly know nor the Seraphim; but with the wings of their contemplation the face of him who sits upon the throne high and lifted up is veiled, crying out and saying, Holy, holy, holy Lord God of hosts, the whole earth is full of his glory; and the Prophet trembled and said, Woe is me because I have been silent, because I am a man of polluted lips (Isa.

And my heart was afraid, and I said, Woe is me, for I have not held my peace, for I am a man of polluted lips. But I said, I have known you. Yet, Lord, woe to those who are silent about you, for the talkative become mute without you. And I will not be silent, for you made me and enlightened me; and I found myself and knew myself, and I found you and knew you, for you enlightened me.

But how did I know you? I knew you in you. I knew you not as you are to yourself, but I knew you as you are to me; and this not without you, but in you, for you are the light that enlightened me. As you are to yourself, you are known to yourself alone; as you are to me, according to your grace, you are known also to me. But what are you to me? Tell me, merciful one, to me your wretched one; tell me of your mercies, what are you to me? Say to my soul, I am your salvation. Do not hide your face from me, lest I die. Let me speak before your mercy, I who am earth and ashes; let me speak before your mercy, for your mercy is great over me. I will speak to my God, though I am dust and ashes. Tell me, your suppliant; tell me, merciful one, to me your wretched one; tell me through your mercies, what are you to me? And you thundered from above with a great voice into the inner ear of my heart, and you broke open my deafness, and I heard your voice, and you enlightened my blindness, and I saw your light, and I knew that you are my God.

Therefore I said that I have known you; I have known you, because you are my God; I have known you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. For there was a time when I did not know you. Woe to that time when I did not know you! Woe to that blindness when I did not see you! Woe to that deafness when I did not hear you! Blind and deaf, through the beautiful things you have made I rushed in deformed: and I was with myself, and I was not with you; and those things held me far from you which would not exist unless they existed in you. You enlightened me, O light; and I saw you, and I loved you; for no one loves you except the one who sees you; and no one sees you except the one who loves you. Late have I loved you, beauty so ancient; late have I loved you. Woe to that time when I did not love you!

CHAPTER XXXII. Confession of faith concerning the supreme Trinity. Concerning the Son of God. Concerning the mystery of the Incarnation. Concerning judgment and the resurrection. Concerning the Holy Spirit. Again concerning the holy Trinity. I give thanks to you, my light, who have enlightened me, and I have known you. How have I known you? I have known you alone!

God, the living and true creator of mine; I have known you as the creator of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible, the true God, almighty, immortal, invisible, uncircumscribable, without end, eternal and inaccessible, incomprehensible and unsearchable, unchangeable, immense and infinite, the beginning of all visible and invisible creatures, through whom all things were made, through whom all the elements subsist; whose majesty, as it never had a beginning, so neither does it cease for eternity. I have known you, the one only true eternal God, Father and Son and Holy Spirit, three indeed in person, but one essence wholly simple and an undivided nature; and the Father from no one, the Son from the Father alone, and the Holy Spirit equally from both, without beginning, always and without end, God three and one, the one only true God almighty, the one principle of all things, the creator of all things visible and invisible, spiritual and corporeal, who by your almighty power from the very beginning of time created both creatures out of nothing, the spiritual and the corporeal, namely the angelic and the worldly, and then the human, as it were a common one, constituted of body and spirit.

I have known you and confess you as God the Father unbegotten, you the only-begotten Son, you the Holy Spirit the Paraclete, neither begotten nor unbegotten, the holy and indivisible Trinity in three coequal persons, consubstantial and coeternal, Trinity in unity and unity in Trinity, believing with the heart unto righteousness and confessing with the mouth unto salvation.

I have known you as God and Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, my creator, savior, and redeemer, and of the whole human race, whom I confess to have been begotten of the Father before all ages, God from God, light from light, true God from true God, not made but begotten, consubstantial and coeternal with the Father and the Holy Spirit, through whom all things were made from the beginning; firmly believing and truly confessing you, the only-begotten God, Jesus Christ, who for the salvation of men was incarnate by the whole Trinity in common, and conceived of Mary, ever virgin, by the cooperation of the Holy Spirit, and made true man, subsisting of a rational soul and human flesh. You who according to your divinity, O only-begotten of God, are alike impassible and immortal, for the exceeding great love with which you loved us, the same Son of God according to your humanity became passible and mortal.

You who for the salvation of the human race, only-begotten Son of God, deigned to endure passion and death on the wood of the cross, that you might free us from eternal death; and who, as the author of light, descended to the underworld, where our fathers sat in darkness, and on the third day rose again glorious and victorious from the underworld to the realms above, taking up again the sacred body which had lain dead in the tomb for our sins, and giving it life on the third day according to the Scriptures, that you might place it at the right hand of the Father. For having taken with you from the underworld the captivity which the ancient enemy of the human race had captured, you, the true Son of God, with the substance of our flesh, that is, with a human soul and body assumed from the virgin, ascended above all the heavens, transcending all the orders of angels; where you sit at the right hand of God the Father, where is the fountain of life and the inaccessible light, the peace of God which surpasses all understanding. There we adore and believe you to be the true God and man, Jesus Christ, confessing that you have God as your Father; and from there we await you to come as judge at the end of the age, to judge the living and the dead, and to render to all, good and evil, according to their works which they have wrought in this life, either reward or punishment, according as each one has been worthy of rest or of torment. For on that day all men, as many as have received a human soul, shall rise at the voice of your power in the flesh which they had here, so that the whole man may receive, according to his merits, either glory or hell.

You yourself are our life and resurrection, the Savior for whom we wait, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform the body of our lowliness to be conformed to the body of his glory (Philippians 3:21).

I have known you, true and living God, the Holy Spirit of the Father and of the Son, proceeding equally from both, consubstantial and coeternal with the Father and the Son, our Paraclete and Advocate, who descended upon the same God and our Lord Jesus Christ in the form of a dove (Matthew 3:16), and appeared over the Apostles in tongues of fire (Acts 2:3); who from the beginning taught all the saints and elect of God by the gift of your grace, and opened the mouths of the Prophets to declare the wonders of the kingdom of God, whom together with the Father and the Son all the saints of God ought to adore and glorify. Among them I too, the son of your handmaid, glorify your name with my whole heart, because you have enlightened me. For you are the true light, the truthful light, the fire of God and the teacher of spirits, who by your anointing teach us all truth, the Spirit of truth, without whom it is impossible to please God, since you yourself are God from God, and light from light, proceeding from the Father of lights and from his Son our Lord Jesus Christ, with whom, being consubstantial, coequal, and coeternal, you are superessentially glorified and reign together in the essence of the one Trinity.

I have known you, the one living and true God, the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit—three indeed in persons, but one in essence—whom I confess, adore, and glorify with a safe heart as the true God, alone holy, immortal, invisible, unchangeable, inaccessible, unsearchable. One light, one sun, one bread, one life, one good, one beginning, one end, one creator of heaven and earth; through whom all things live, through whom all things subsist, through whom all things are governed, ruled, and given life—both the things that are in the heavens and the things that are on the earth, and the things that are under the earth; besides whom there is no God in heaven or on earth. Thus I have known you, my knower, thus I have known you. I have known you through your faith, which you inspired in me, my light, the light of my eyes, Lord my God, the hope of all the ends of the earth, the joy that makes glad my youth, and the good that sustains my old age. In you, Lord, all things rejoice, my bones saying, Lord, who is like you (Ps. 34:10)? Who is like you among the gods, Lord (Ps. 85:8)—not the one whom the hand of men made, but you who made the hands of men? The idols of the nations are silver and gold, the works of the hands of men (Ps. 113:12): not so is the maker of men. All the gods of the nations are demons; but the Lord made the heavens (Ps. 95:5); the Lord himself is God. The gods who did not make heaven and earth, let them perish from heaven and from earth (Jer.

God, who created heaven and earth, let heaven and earth bless him.

CHAPTER XXXIII. That the darkness is from us, but our light from God. Thanksgiving for the darkness put to flight and the light bestowed. Who is like you among the gods, O Lord? Who is like you, magnificent in holiness, terrible and praiseworthy, and working wonders? Late have I known you, the true light; late have I known you: but there was a great and dark cloud before the eyes of my vanity, so that I could not see the sun of justice and the light of truth. I was wrapped in darkness, a son of darkness, I loved my darkness, because I did not know the light; I was blind, I loved blindness, and I walked toward darkness through darkness. Who led me out from there, where I was a blind man in darkness and the shadow of death? Who took my hand, to lead me out from there? Who is my enlightener? I was not seeking him, he sought me; I was not calling upon him, and he called me. Who is he? You, O Lord my God, merciful and compassionate, Father of mercies and God of all consolation; you, my holy God, whom I confess with my whole heart, giving thanks to your name. I was not seeking you, you sought me; I was not calling upon you, you called me. You called me by your name, you thundered from above with a great voice into the inner ear of my heart, Let there be light; and there was light, and a great light came down, and the dark cloud was melted away, which had covered my eyes.

And I lifted up my eyes and saw your light, and I recognized your voice, and I said: Truly, Lord, you are my God, and you have led me out of darkness and the shadow of death, and you have called me into your marvelous light; and behold, I see. Thanks be to you, my God, behold I see; thanks be to you, my illuminator. And I turned and saw my darkness in which I had been, and the dark abyss in which I had lain; and I trembled and was terrified: and I said, Woe! woe to my darkness in which I lay; woe! woe to that blindness in which I could not see the light of heaven! woe to my past ignorance, when I did not know you, Lord. Thanks be to you, my illuminator and liberator, because you have enlightened me and I have known you. Late have I known you, ancient truth; late have I known you, eternal truth. And you were in the light, and I in darkness, and I did not know you; because I could not be enlightened without you, and there is no light apart from you.

CHAPTER XXXIV. The supreme majesty of God. The further request of Lucia. Holy of holies, God of inestimable majesty. God of gods and Lord of lords, wonderful, ineffable, incomprehensible, whom the angelic Powers tremble before in heaven, whom the Dominations and Thrones adore, and all the Virtues fear before your countenance, whose power and wisdom have no number, who founded the world upon nothing, and gathered the sea in the air as if in a wineskin; most omnipotent, most holy, most strong, God of the spirits of all flesh, from whose countenance heaven and earth flee, at whose nod all the elements subject themselves: let all your creation adore and glorify you. And I, the son of your handmaid, through your light bow the neck of my heart beneath the feet of your majesty, giving thanks that you have deigned through your mercy to enlighten me. But the light, the holy light, the delightful light, the wonderful light, the light beyond all praise, which enlightens every man coming into this world (John 1:9), and even the eyes of the Angels, behold, I see; I give thanks. Behold, I see the light of heaven; the ray from above from the face of your light shines through the eyes of my mind, and it gladdens all my bones—if only it were perfected in me! Increase, I beseech you, author of light, increase, I beseech you, what shines through in me; let it be enlarged, I pray, let it be enlarged from you. What is this that I feel? What fire is this that warms my heart? What light is this that irradiates my heart?

Fire that always burns and is never extinguished, kindle me! O light that always shines and is never darkened, illumine me! Would that I might burn from you! Holy fire, how sweetly you burn, how secretly you shine, how desirably you set ablaze! Woe to those who do not burn from you, woe to those who are not illuminated by you, O true light, illuminating the whole world, whose light fills the world! Woe to the blind eyes that do not see you, the sun that illuminates heaven and earth; woe to the darkened eyes that cannot see you; woe to those who turn away their eyes so as not to see the truth; and woe to those who do not turn them away so as not to see vanity! For eyes accustomed to darkness cannot gaze upon the rays of the highest truth, nor do they know how to esteem anything concerning the light, whose dwelling is in darkness. They see darkness, they love darkness, they approve darkness; from darkness they are plunged into darkness, and the wretched do not know where they fall, they do not know what they lose; but more wretched still are those who know what they lose, who fall with open eyes and go down to hell while living. O most blessed light, who can be seen only by the most purified eyes! Blessed are the clean of heart, for they shall see God (Matt. 5:8). Cleanse me, cleansing power, heal my eyes, that with healthy eyes I may contemplate you, whom only healthy eyes behold; take away the scales of the ancient darkness by the rays of your illumination, O inaccessible splendor, that I may be able to see you with unblinking gaze, and in your light see light.

I give thanks to you, my light; behold, I see. Let my sight be enlarged by you, I beseech you, O Lord; reveal my eyes, that I may consider the wondrous things of your law, you who are a God wonderful in your saints. I give thanks to you, my light; behold, I see, I see, but through a glass in a dark figure; but when shall it be face to face? When will the day of gladness and exultation come, in which I shall enter into the place of the wonderful tabernacle, even to the house of God, that I may see him who sees me face to face, and my desire be satisfied?

CHAPTER XXXV. The burning desire of God. How great the happiness of the blessed. The misery of our exile, and the aspiration to the fatherland. As the deer longs for the fountains of waters, so my soul longs for you, O God. My soul has thirsted for God, the living fountain, when shall I come and appear before the face of my God? O fountain of life, vein of living waters, when shall I come to the waters of your sweetness from the desert land, pathless and waterless, that I may see your power and your glory, and satisfy my thirst from the waters of your mercy? I thirst, O Lord; fountain of life, satisfy me: I thirst, O Lord, I thirst for the living God. When shall I come and appear, O Lord, before your face? Do you think I shall see that day, that day, I say, of joy and gladness; the day which the Lord has made, that we may exult and be glad in it?

A clear day, knowing no evening, having no sunset, in which I shall hear the voice of praise, the voice of exultation and confession: Enter into the joy of your Lord (Mt 25:21), enter into the everlasting joy, into the house of the Lord your God, where are great and unsearchable and wonderful things, of which there is no number; enter into joy without sorrow, which contains eternal gladness, where every good shall be, and no evil shall be; where whatever you will shall be, and whatever you will not shall not be; where there shall be life most sweet and lovable, and ever memorable; where there shall be no enemy assailing, no allurement, but the highest and certain security, and secure tranquillity, and tranquil pleasantness, and pleasant felicity, and happy eternity, and eternal blessedness, and the blessed Trinity, and the unity of the Trinity, and the deity of the unity, and the blessed vision of the deity, which is the joy of my Lord! O joy beyond joy, surpassing all joy, outside of which there is no joy, when shall I enter into you, that I may see my God who dwells in you? I shall go and see this great vision. What is it that holds me back? Woe is me! for my sojourning has been prolonged (Ps 119:5); woe is me! how long shall it be said to me, Where is your God (Ps 41:11)? how long shall it be said to me, Wait a little while? And now what is my expectation? Is it not you, Lord (Ps 38:8)?

We await the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will reform the body of our lowliness, made conformable to the body of his brightness (Phil 3:21). We await the Lord, when he returns from the wedding, that he may lead us into his own wedding. Come, Lord, and do not delay. Come, Lord Jesus, come to visit us in peace; come and lead this captive out of prison, that we may rejoice before you with a perfect heart. Come, our Savior, come, desired of all nations, show your face, and we shall be saved. Come, my light, my Redeemer, lead my soul out of prison to confess to your holy name (Ps 141:8). How long, wretched as I am, shall I be tossed about in the waves of my mortality, crying out to you, Lord, and you do not hear? Hear me as I cry out your name from this great sea, and lead me to the harbor of eternal happiness.

Happy are those who, brought out from the danger of this sea, have deserved to reach you, God, the safest harbor! Truly happy are those who have passed from the deep to the shore, from exile to their homeland, from prison to the palace, now blessed in the rest they longed for; because that prize of everlasting glory, which here they sought through no tribulations, now happily and joyfully obtained, they rejoice forever! Truly blessed, O thrice and four times blessed, are those who, now stripped of all evils, now secure concerning their unfading glory, have deserved to reach the kingdom of beauty! the eternal kingdom, the kingdom of all ages, where there is light that fails not, and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding (Phil

in which the souls of the saints rest, and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away! O how glorious is the kingdom in which all the saints reign with you, O Lord, clothed with light as with a garment, having on their head a crown of precious stone! A kingdom of everlasting blessedness, where you, O Lord, the hope of the saints and the diadem of glory, are seen face to face by the saints, making them glad on every side in your peace, which surpasses all understanding! There joy is infinite, gladness without sadness, safety without pain, life without toil, light without darkness, life without death, every good without any evil. There youth never grows old, there life knows no end, where beauty never grows pale, where love never grows cold, where holiness never withers, where joy never decreases, where pain is never felt, where sighing is never heard, where nothing seems sad, where gladness is always held, where no evil is feared; because there the highest good is possessed, which is always to see the face of the Lord of hosts. Happy, then, are those who have already merited to come from this shipwrecked present life to such great joys.

Unhappy, alas, are we and wretched, who through the evil waves and stormy gulfs of this great sea drag our ship, not knowing whether we can reach the harbor of salvation. Unhappy, I say, whose life is in exile, whose way is in danger, whose end is in doubt; not knowing our end, because all things are kept in uncertainty for the future, and we are still tossed among the waves of the sea, sighing for the harbor. Our homeland, our secure homeland, we see you from afar. From this sea we greet you, from this valley we sigh for you; and we strive with tears, if by any means we may reach you. O Christ, hope of the human race, God of God, our refuge and strength, whose light from afar amid the dark clouds, above the storms of the sea, like the ray of the star of the sea, shines upon our eyes, that we may be guided to the harbor: govern, O Lord, our ship by your right hand, by the nail of your cross, lest we perish in the waves, lest the tempest of water sink us and the deep swallow us up; but by the power of your cross draw us from this sea to yourself, our only consolation, whom from afar, like the morning star and the sun of righteousness, we see with scarcely tearful eyes awaiting us on the shore of our heavenly homeland. Behold, we cry to you, your redeemed ones, but even now your exiles, whom you have redeemed with your precious blood. Hear us, O God of our salvation, hope of all the ends of the earth, and far off in the sea (Psal.

We are tossed about on a stormy sea; you, standing on the shore, see our dangers; save us for your name's sake. Grant us, Lord, to hold the middle course between Scylla and Charybdis, so that with ship and cargo safe we may reach the harbor in security.

CHAPTER XXXVI. On the light of glory. That to see God face to face is the whole of beatitude. Meanwhile, to gaze upon the one God. When therefore we have come to you, the fountain of wisdom, to you the unfailing light, to you the inextinguishable light, so that we may see you no longer through a glass in a dark manner, but face to face (1 Cor 13:12); then our desire shall be satisfied with good things, because there will be nothing outside to be desired. You, Lord, the supreme good, will be the reward of the blessed, and the diadem of their beauty, and everlasting joy upon their heads, making them peaceful within and without in your peace which surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7). There we shall see, we shall love, and we shall praise. We shall see your light in your light. For with you is the fountain of life, and in your light we shall see light (Ps 35:10). But what light? A light immense, a light incorporeal, incomprehensible, a light unfailing, inextinguishable and inaccessible, a light uncreated, a light true, which enlightens the eyes of the angels, which gladdens the youth of the saints, which is the light of lights and the fountain of life, which you are, Lord, my God.

For you are the light in whose light we shall see light: you, namely, in yourself, in the splendor of your countenance, since we shall see you face to face.

What is it to see face to face, except what the Apostle says, to know as I am also known (1 Cor 13:12)? To know your Trinity, this is to see face to face. To know the power of the Father, the wisdom of the Son, the mercy of the Holy Spirit, the one and undivided essence of that highest Trinity itself, is to see the face of the living God. This is the highest good, the joy of angels and of all the saints, the reward of eternal life, the glory of spirits, everlasting gladness, the crown of beauty, the prize of happiness, opulent rest, the beauty of peace, inward and eternal joy, the paradise of God, the heavenly Jerusalem, the blessed life, the fullness of blessedness, the joy of eternity, the peace of God which surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7). This is the full blessedness and the whole glorification of man: to see the face of his God, to see him who made him, who saved him, who glorified him. He shall see him by knowing, love him by loving, praise him by possessing. For he himself will be the inheritance of his people, the people of the saints, the people whom he redeemed. He himself is the possession of their happiness, he himself the foretaste and the reward of expectation. I am, he says, your reward exceedingly great (Gen 15:1). Truly, Lord my God, you are exceedingly great above all gods, and your rewards are exceedingly great. For great things befit the great.

For you are not great and your reward small, but as you are great, so is your reward great, since you are not one thing and your reward another; but you yourself are exceedingly great, you yourself are a reward exceedingly great, you yourself are the crowner and the crown, you yourself are the promiser and the promise, you yourself are the rewarder and the gift, you yourself are the prize-giver and the prize of eternal felicity. You therefore are the crowner and the crown, O true God, the diadem of my hope which is adorned with glory, the light that gladdens, the light that renews, the beauty that adorns, my great hope, the desire of the hearts of the saints, and their desired one. The vision of you, therefore, is the whole reward, the whole prize, the whole joy that we await. This is eternal life. This is, says your Wisdom, this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. When, therefore, we shall see you, the only God, the true God, the living God, almighty, invisible, uncircumscribed, incomprehensible, and your only-begotten Son, consubstantial and coeternal with you, God, our Lord Jesus Christ, whom for our salvation you sent into the world, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, three in persons and one in essence, the one holy God, besides whom there is no God; then we shall have what we seek, eternal life, everlasting glory, which you have prepared for those who love you, which you have hidden from those who fear you, which you will give to those who seek you, who seek your face always.

And you, Lord my God, my fashioner from my mother's womb, who commended me to your hand, do not permit me any longer to be distracted from one into many; but gather me from outward things to myself, from myself to you, so that my heart may always say to you, "My face has sought you; your face, Lord, will I seek" (Ps. 26:8)—the face of the Lord of hosts, in which alone consists all the glory of the blessed, which to see is eternal life and the everlasting joy of the saints. Let my heart therefore rejoice so that it may fear your name; let the heart of those who seek the Lord rejoice, but much more the heart of those who find him. For if there is joy in seeking, what kind of joy will there be in finding? Let me therefore always seek your face ardently and without ceasing, if perhaps at last the door and gate of righteousness may be opened to me, that I may enter into the joy of the Lord. This is the gate of the Lord; the righteous shall enter into it (Ps. 117:20).

CHAPTER XXXVII. Prayer to the Holy Trinity. Three coequal and coeternal persons, one true God, Father and Son and Holy Spirit, who alone dwell in eternity and inaccessible light; who founded the earth in your power and rule the world in prudence; holy, holy, holy Lord God of hosts, terrible and strong, just and merciful, wonderful, praiseworthy, lovable; one God, three persons in one essence; power, wisdom, goodness, one and undivided Trinity: open to me as I cry out the gates of righteousness, and entering into them I will confess to the Lord.

Behold, I knock as a beggar at your door, O supreme Father of the household. Command it to be opened to the one who knocks, you who said, Knock and it shall be opened to you (Matt. 7:7). At your door, most merciful Father, knock the desires of my roaring heart and the cries of the tears of my eyes. All my desire is before you, and my groaning is not hidden from you (Ps. 37:10). And you, O Lord, do not turn your face away from me any longer, nor turn aside in anger from your servant (Ps. 26:9). Father of mercies, hear the wailing of your little orphan, and stretch out your most good helping hand, that it may draw me out of the depths of the waters, and from the lake of misery, and from the mire of the dregs: lest I perish while the mercy of your eyes sees and the clemency of your heart regards (Ps. 39:3); but let me escape to you, the Lord my God, that I may see the riches of your kingdom, and gaze upon your face always, and give praise to your holy name, O Lord, who do wonderful things, who make my heart glad by the memory of you, who enlighten my youth and do not despise my old age, but make all my bones rejoice and make my gray hairs grow young again like the eagle's. All glory, all praise, all virtue, all power, all magnificence, all blessedness, all clemency be to God the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.