Apologeticus ad patrem

Oration 9. Apologetic to His Own Father Gregory, with Basil Present, When He Was Consecrated Bishop of Sasima. 1. Again oil and Spirit are upon me; and again I go my way mourning and gloomy. You are perhaps amazed. And Isaiah, before he saw the glory of the Lord, and the high and lofty throne, and the seraphim around it, utters nothing of the sort, neither is he indignant nor afraid; but he cries out against Israel, and spares and refrains from himself, as being in no way blameworthy. But when he saw these things, and heard the holy and mystic voice, becoming more conscious of himself, as it were, he says: "Woe is me, for I am pricked," and so on in the passage, in order to avoid blasphemy. And I find also that ancient Manoah among the judges, and later Peter, the bulwark of the Church; the one saying, "We are lost, O wife, for we have seen God," when he perceived a vision greater than his own nature and power; the other unable to bear the presence and activity of the Saviour, which he displayed to those sailing with him in the fishing boat, and therefore admiring him, but sending him away from the ship, and adding the reason, that he was not worthy of divine manifestation and converse.

2. And when I hear in the Gospels about the centurion, who demanded the power but declined the presence, as his roof could not contain a divine dignity and magnitude, I cannot blame myself for this timidity and gloominess. For the sun reveals the weakness of the eye, and God, when present, exposes the infirmity of the soul; and to some he is light, to others fire, according to each one's underlying matter and quality. What do we think about Saul? He was anointed, and partook of the Spirit, and was then spiritual—I would not say otherwise about him—but he also prophesied, and so contrary to expectation and probability that that wonder became a proverb: "Is Saul also among the prophets?"—still said and heard even now. But since he did not wholly surrender himself to the Spirit, nor was he purely transformed into another man, as had been ordained, but some spark of the old evil and some seed of the wicked remained, and there was in him a battle of spirit and flesh—why need I recount all his tragedies? You know the opposing spirit and the psalm with which he charmed it. Yet this is clear from that: that even if grace does not touch the unworthy, nor does it enter a soul that is utterly wicked and ill-suited (for it has been well said that wisdom will not enter a malicious soul, and I am persuaded), still, to preserve worthiness and harmony, as my argument holds, is no less a task than to have been well harmonized and deemed worthy from the beginning, because of the changeable and mutable nature of human condition and character.

And this very grace often—to speak of the most grievous and paradoxical of our evils—having produced pride and lifted us up, has cast down from God those who approached improperly, and we were brought low in being raised up, so that sin might become superlatively sinful, death being wrought for me through the good. 3. These are the things I, in fear, have been filled with bitterness and dejection, and I have suffered something like children do at lightning flashes, mixing pleasure with terror from the sight: I both loved the Spirit and feared it; and I needed some time, having turned inward upon myself, to sober up and belong to the safer and better portion, so that, when the troubling element has withdrawn—like weeds from a seed—and the base thoughts have yielded to the better ones, the Spirit might purely prevail, and taking me, hold me for its own service and ministry, for the ordering of this people, for the guidance of souls, for teaching in word and in deed and by example, through the weapons of righteousness, both right and left, for a fitting pastoral care, drawing away from the world, leading to God, consuming the body, adding to the spirit, fleeing darkness, delighting in light, driving off beasts, gathering the flock, guarding against precipices and deserts, approaching mountains and heights. Concerning these things, the most wonderful Micah seems to me to speak, drawing us up from below to our own heights: “Draw near to the eternal mountains. Arise and go, for this is no rest for you, even if the low-lying and downward-turning things seem to some to be such.

Teach me this pastoral art, O friends who are now my shepherds and fellow shepherds. Give me the tokens of it, you who are the common Father, and you who have formed and passed on to many shepherds over time, and you who are the examiner and judge of my philosophy. But (that you may receive my word philosophically), can we, turning and being surrounded in the midst of a storm, shepherd knowledgeably and nourish the flock? The more philanthropic among sheep (if you do not take offense at me), when we partook of irrational pasture, or among shepherds, when we were deemed worthy of spiritual pasture. You have, as you desired, us under your hand, and you have conquered the unconquerable; and behold, along with the others, the word which you knew and sought, and which you praised, you cast at me, idle as I was, with many of your words and thick snowflakes. But I have something to reproach in friendship: who will judge me among our common friends? Or who will be an impartial judge, so as to bring a just verdict, and not suffer what the many do, and take a person into account in judgment? Shall I speak the reproach, and will you not again hurl the word back at me? Something happened even between you and me that was secret, O admirable one, a thing truly secret and unbelievable, and never before heard concerning us. We were not persuaded, but we were forced. O wonder! How everything has become new! And how much it has separated us! What do you want me to say—the throne, or the magnitude of the grace? Nevertheless, lead, and prosper, and reign, and shepherd us as we shepherd. For we are ready to follow, and to be led by your pastoral soul, which is high and inspired.

I shall speak the truth, for even if we have dared something contrary to the law out of love. Teach me your love for the flocks, your care that is both diligent and prudent, your oversight, your vigils, the withdrawal of your own flesh, which yielded to the spirit, the bloom of your complexion as it labors for the flock, your intensity in gentleness, your calm and mildness in action (a thing not found in many, nor having many examples), your wars on behalf of the flock, the victories which you have won in Christ. Tell me to which pastures one should lead, to which springs one should go, and which ones to avoid, whether pastures or streams; which ones to tend with the staff, which with the pipe; when to lead to pastures, and when to call back from pastures; how to fight against wolves, and how not to fight against shepherds; and especially in the present time, when shepherds have lost their wits and scattered the sheep from the pasture, so that I may lament the same things with the most holy prophets. How shall I strengthen the weak, raise up the fallen, turn back the wandering, seek out the lost, and guard the strong? How shall I both learn these things and keep them according to the right rule of pastoral care, and according to yours—and not become a bad shepherd, devouring the milk and the

clothing myself in wool, and slaughtering or selling the fatter ones, and leaving the rest to the beasts and the cliffs, shepherding myself, not the sheep—the very thing for which the former leaders of Israel were reproached. Teach me these things, and support me with these words, and with them shepherd and co-shepherd me in your instructions, and save me, both by teaching and by prayers, me and this sacred flock, for my security, for your boast on the day of the manifestation and revelation of the great God, and of our chief shepherd Jesus Christ, through whom and with whom is glory to the Father Almighty, together with the holy and life-giving Spirit, now and for ever and ever. Amen.