Discourse 73

The troubled thought of the passage: with the meanings of those things that were said. Again, the troubled thought of this passage is this: that you should know that at all times, during these twenty-four hours of night and day, you are intent upon repentance. The meaning of the name of repentance: as from the truth of this practical matter, a fixed time at all times which, in prayer, fills the heart with contrition, which approaches God for the forgiveness of those things that have passed, and for a petition concerning the preservation from those things that are yet to come. For this reason also our Lord placed the foundation of prayer upon our weakness. "Awake and pray, that you may not fall into sleep. And pray, and do not be weary. And be vigilant at all times and pray. And ask, and you shall receive. And knock, and it shall be opened to you. And everything that you ask, you shall receive. And what is fitting, you shall find. And the door at which you knock shall be opened to you." And he confirmed his word more strongly and with greater urgency, by the fact that he gave an example of a friend who went to his friend at midnight and asked him for bread. "Even if," he says to you, "on account of his friendship he did not give to him, on account of his importunity he rose and gave to him, as much as was needed by him. You also: pray, and do not be weary. For the giver is a generous heart that cannot be spoken of, which incites you to ask of him, and he will give you a gift!

And he also: whatever help he extends, as he knows. But the heart, and great trust, are full of these voices. And in that which he knows, the Lord, that he did not raise up the prayer before the cup of death: and how it is, it is near to man, the change from abundance to deficiency, and he is receiving the events of nature. He hastens upon the promised entreaty. For if there were a place of trust in this world, so that when man reaches him, from then on his nature would be elevated from affliction and his labor from constraint, he would not have warned us and urged us towards idleness concerning prayer. Just as also in the world to come, prayers are offered by the living to God, concerning things individually. In that place of freedom, it is not receptive to change of nature, nor is it bound under the yoke of opposition. And it is perfect in everything. For this reason, it is not only concerning prayer and vigilance, but also concerning the certainty and incomprehensibility of those things that happen to them in their promise, which challenge the power of our knowledge. These, even many times, and when we do not wish, are found within us at all times.

And he also: the great one confirms the thought, and it desires the good: how many times, and also concerning the ascetic practices of the passions, he cast them down in his vanity. As the blessed Paul said: that because I was not raised up in the excess of revelations, I was delivered over to the flattery of my flesh by the angel of Satan, who would strike me. And concerning this, three times I asked of my Lord that he deliver me from the passion, so that I might freely perform the service he commanded me. And he said to me: My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is exhausted in its early stage. Now then, my Lord, if this is your will, and all this is the end of the hope of the pedagogue who drives and awakens, so that even when a man is thus swallowed up in your love like me, and pursues the good, without seeing the whole world because of the intoxication of you, on account of which even up to this my arrival, concerning revelations and visions which the tongue of the flesh is not permitted to translate, that I might see and hear the voice of the service of the order of the spirits, and your vision filled with holy ones who are equal in spirit, and still with all these, a man is not sufficient for the vigilance of my standing, unless there is a man perfect in Christ. For there is still something on account of his coldness that rebels against the power of my knowledge, for me, the intellect of Christ stands a man.

I know, my Lord: because of this I rejoice in your afflictions, in your torments, in your imprisonments, in your bonds, in your chains—whether from the body, or from the senses, or from the enemy of the body. Joyfully therefore I endure your afflictions; but this is because of your virtues: that the power of Christ may be established over them. If with all these things, I have already ascended to the rank of virtues, in which your magnanimity will be nurtured over me, and you will be preserved in your nearness—I know that you have no one more beloved to you than me. And from this, that you have heaped upon me more than many, and what you have given me—but this, the powers of your praises, to know, you have not given to any one of my fellow apostles. And your custom, a chosen hundred, that believes in keeping the order of your love. And because of all these things, and especially because the work of your proclamation was fitting before him, when I began from the contests of virtues, I know that you would have given me freedom because of all these things, if you had helped me. But you did not consent, that I might be without torment and without discipline in this world. When you did not cease, especially because the work of the proclamation of your gospel increased in the world, like that which came to pass through your virtues, and when it is strong, you will be preserved with yourself.

I know, O Parosha: if this entire contest is a gift, how much more is one who is raised up and grows in spiritual exercises, like the order of Paul, while he is still concerned with fear and caution, and cuts off the excess from the encounter with the senses, until he arrives at the place of trust in the world of mortality, weary from the contests, and receives without prayer that which even the holy angels have not been given, without any deficiency being completed, and this before the whole assembly of spirits and bodies, which desires without change that it become perfect, and not even the sense of thought has approached it? But the order of this world is like that which, from the intention of all the holy books, if every day you receive a thousand blows and receive a wound, your intention will not be diminished, and you will remain in the course of the stadium. It is possible that through a small cause they snatch away the victory and receive your crown. This world is a course of contest and a stadium of runners. And this contest is a contest of the ascetic. And the place of the ascetic and the contest of the contestant: the law is not established. But this: the king does not set a limit on his laborers until the contest is completed.

And he knocks at every door of the King of Kings, and is ashamed that he wearied himself in battle and did not receive justification. And woe to him who turned his back! For how many times does a man happen who is in need of nothing, and carelessly, without the discipline of his mind, he throws and casts, and at all times is in negligence, and snatches the head of the camp from the hands of the valiant, and his name becomes more victorious than the capable, the skilled, the renowned, and the well-known, and he receives a crown and garlands with which all his companions honor him. Therefore: no man stands in the division of hope except through prayer; he does not become base. And when he seeks help from the Lord, he does not see. And this is placed in our thought: that as long as we are in this world and are bound in this body, even if one ascends to the vault of heaven, it is impossible to be without labor and toil and without need. In short: this is it. Leave me. More than this, it is fitting.