Discourse 58

On the Life of Proximity to God and the Life of Knowledge All the days of their lives. Blessed is the one whose short life is lived in this world! An old man had writings inscribed on all the walls of his cell: changing writings and opinions of the zealous, and wondrous and changing words of all opinions. And they asked him, this old man, what these were. He said to them: They are thoughts of grief that pass through me from the angel with me, and from the righteous and pure movements. And I inscribe them at the time that I have in these moments, so that at the time of forgetfulness I might read them and be delivered from error. Thus it is fitting for a human being to do all his days. They were giving blessedness to the old man for his thoughts, and they were praising him, because in place of the passing world he had drunk from the hope that is indestructible. The old man said to them: While I am still alive, why do you give me blessedness? I do not know what will happen to me until my death. I am still on the road; I am not certain of blessedness until I reach my home. Truly, this is a sorrowful thought. But it is fitting that one set victory as the goal, the day of death. Before death, there is no victor who is triumphant.

His life is a war against his enemies, and a path lies before him, and he does not know by what means he will be sustained. For his path is not completed, and he has not reached the age of trust. And thus: he has no place where he can be sustained by evils; he has a great separation. For he who is able to change his life, lives indeed; he has hope, like one who is well governed. Why do you reproach the sinner, O man? For indeed, the labors of your own commerce are not yet complete for you to boast over him; you are not raised above him. His hope is not cut off from God. For it is possible that he may surpass you in virtue after a short time, and draw nearer to God than you. For death has not come and sealed his conduct, nor yours. Many changes occur for a person as long as he lives. For God looks to the end, not to these things that are in the middle. There have been many righteous who fell from their righteousness, and sinners rose and took their place. Therefore: let not the righteous boast, because he is alive; and let not the sinner despair of his hope, because he is near to God if he wishes. And he is prepared for his reception if he makes a change in his conduct and turns to him. If you have labored in virtue well, and you have not perceived the taste of its assistance, do not be amazed.

Until a person becomes humble, he does not receive the reward of his labor. The recompense is not given to the labor, but to humility. Whoever wrongs the latter loses the former. Whoever first takes the superiority of the labor becomes the first to receive the labor of superiority. Superiority is the mother of afflictions. From afflictions humility is born. And to humility the gift is given. For the recompense is not for superiority, nor for the pains that pass away because of it, but for the humility that is born from them. If this is lacking, the former are in vain. The labor of superiority is the observance of the Lord's commandments. The superiority of the labor is the stability of the mind, which is established by humility and littleness. Where strength for the former is lacking, this is accepted in their stead. For Christ does not desire the labor of commandments, but the stability of the soul, for whose sake he even laid down commandments for the rational ones. The body works with the right and the left equally. The mind, however, must be justified or sin in a varied manner. There are those who, by the left hand's crookedness, work life with wisdom from the father. And there are those who trade in sin under the guise of spirituality.

The fruits that are found in the one who is humble: the reward of their righteousness is left with them by God. Their works and their hidden things become the cause of humility. And humility preserves their great labors, not only that they are preserved from pride, but that, according to the measure of their humbling, they receive a greater reward. Without blows, the gift is not preserved. The gift without trials is found to be the ruin of those who receive it. If you serve well before God, and He gives you a gift in return for your uprightness toward Him, as your reward is greater and He delights you in your labor, He gives you knowledge so that you may know how you ought to humble yourself. Or He sets over it guardians, or He takes it from you again, so that it may not become the cause of ruin from it. It is not that everyone is able to preserve wealth without injury. The soul that has taken upon itself the burden of excellence and lives in the fear of God cannot be without afflictions every day. For afflictions and excellence are joined together. What comes out of sufferings and from death is from every kind. Whoever stands in excellence stands in afflictions.

If you are drawn to excellence, you have delivered yourself to all the passions. Excellence is the mother of the passions. The passions are the offspring of humility. For God does not wish that the soul be without passion. And whoever runs after this, apart from the will of God, is found in his thought. Passion, however, does not mean that of the bodily members, but the dispositions that are bound to the excellences. For until the knowledge of truth arrives, which is the revelation of the hidden things, through spiritual exercises one approaches humility. Whoever is found without passions in his excellence, a door to pride is opened for him. What, then, that is desired for this, becomes without passion in his thought? It is not possible that, apart from the cause of blows, the mind endures in humility. And it is not possible that, without humility, one is filled with the prayer of supplication purely before God. First, a person is removed from the mind of vainglory in his thought, and then the spirit of pride approaches him. And in this, he hastens forward, and then the angel of idleness is removed from him. That one who is near to him, the mind of sorrow is cast down in him.

Whoever destroys this and distances himself from it, then he approaches forgetfulness, while he has no awareness in him, nor any evil thought. Before a fall, pride, says the wise one. And before a gift, humility. By the measure of the pride that is seen in the soul itself, upon the scale of the fall that is prepared and that is measured out against it by the searching God. And not by a single one of the sins does God distance himself from a person and abandon him completely and oppress him from him, until he is able to turn his thought in the direction of pride or blasphemy. For this reason, the cause also exists for the first two. Those who depart from the path of humility in their intention and are stripped of divine assistance, either fall by the drunkenness of insolence, or by blasphemy against the divine wills, or by the confusion of the mind. Those who are exalted by the superiority of their conduct, most of them fall by drunken insolence. Those, however, who are by knowledge and by the conduct of thought, by blasphemy against the divine wills, or by the turbulence of the mind. It is pride, not when one passes in thought the boundary of this, nor when one is disturbed and purified from it quickly, but that which remains in it. It is evident that for that one, even repentance exists.

This then, when he loves it, he does not know humility. If he is humble, he does not boast in it. It is not that which sins or blasphemes against God, but that which abides in evil. That which reveals the purity of the saint. This, however, is the laxity of the will. And again, from the praise of the evil ones, a man is struck in his mind and smitten with vanity. When, beyond his measure, he runs to accomplish something by his own hand, because the glory of his greatness has become burdensome. As he perceives that he is very near to God. Many were those who advanced in conduct and increased in gifts from God, and were honored by the signs of the letters. But afterwards they received a change and fell from the grace of God. Those who were thus honored from the beginning. We find that they were unable to attain the many gifts they received, and they were led to pride, and were cast out like refuse from God, and became greater than the order in which they had been. Many also were those who were humble and tranquil in spirit, and balanced in their words, and ascetic in their conduct, and gentle in their knowledge, and were a sign of guidance to their acquaintances, and a sight full of weeping to beholders. With great weeping, raise your voice to God and ask for humility.

Fill your mouth with your tears, and roll your head in the dust. Do not rise from the ground, and do not lift your head from the earth, until God has pity on you and removes you from this life while you are whole, or until he has mercy on you and grants you humility. And do not cease from mourning until you perceive in yourself that you have grown old, lest you be found like one of those who have ceased. And even if you have grown old, do not lift up your eyes, and do not look at the sky. And do not fill your gaze with the sight of men. And do not let your heart be empty of fear and supplication. Then you will be delivered from the evils that demons prepare on the path of this conduct, which is full of darkness and narrow, and has many obstacles, difficult to traverse because of the subtlety of its discernment for the perfection of men. Believe me, my brother, and trust my word: you are not sufficient to attain all the power of the demons, nor is your knowledge sufficient to stand before their deceits. Now let the one who has poured great light into you be your guide, that by it the love of Christ may be found, and you will be borne within from the beginning of divine mercies, because of the honor of the humility that is found in you.

Enter into the darkness of the cells, while this light is still far off, and be left to be healed in that thick darkness of the soul—those who are abandoned by God and delivered into the hands of demons. Then you will know that you are found before them like a child who does not know where to go. And thus your entire knowledge is shaken, like that of a small child. And this firm intention concerning God, and the certainty of your knowledge, and your strong reasoning, are tossed about on a sea of divisions. By humility alone can you conquer them, once you have taken hold of this; then all their power is nullified. Not when you gently pursue your joy in God will you break the health of your soul. But when the bondage of the passions does not shake your intention from the love of God and of the neighbor, and the attachment to persons does not separate you from your service to the Lord—to whom is glory—and you keep watch in his proximity and in his entreaties. Amen.